A Poem Called “From Being You to Being Me”

(Trigger Warning: This poem (as well as the compositions I have done in the past) are intentionally left with certain mistakes to show disability. Be mindful when reading this post and any other posts.)

From Being You to Being Me,

by theamazinJ

The struggle to find identity in the world is a battle
fighting cause we’re different or odd,
cause the status quo wants us
the way many want us to be,
the way many bully get bullied,
the way too many make assumptions and presumptions
from the way we look, the way we move, the way we communicate, and the way we express ourselves
with everyone around us.
Too many people don’t understand each other
causing the pain and insecurity too many people face every day
in the communities we have always known since growing up.
the pain hurts, the pain allows us to be afraid, and allows us to be angry,
The anger gets expressed in different ways
in different reactions to power and control,
some try to express their anger by building it up until there is an episode,
an episode of fight, an episode of flight no matter how they flee,
fleeing by doing something extreme in their own way
or by allowing the community to do something extreme to them,
in a destructive way either within themselves or expressing it openly,
by including others in that anger or by excluding.
the pain can hurt,
the pain can hurt really really badly,
trying to develop into the person we really want to be,
and ultimately can’t when too many people all our life
bully us in too many ways
so that they can tokenize us to the way they want us,
and the agenda everyone wants to bully for the control.
The control to tokenize, the power to euthanize
either literally or abstractly,
the power to re-create or re-structure a person
because no one likes and appreciates the person,
while the victim either survives the pain to form their identity
or becoming the token at the expense of their dominant oppressors
being seen as an inspiration by their oppressors
while being a martyr within.
The fight to be yourself is a battle of identity,
a battle within yourself and with the many people who didn’t understand,
the many people who either tried to re-create you as them
or the many people leaving you alone without someone to listen,
ultimately creating a battle within yourself,
either escaping from your life internally or fleeing from the outside environment externally,
everyone processes things differently, everyone forms their identities in their own way,
and everyone is vulnerable to the surrounding misunderstanding world around them
when we feel different,
sometimes we find a friend who understands and other times we don’t,
so we have to decide how we want to live our life.
We can be everything we are not or everything we are born with,
we can express the desires everyone thinks we are or we can be who we are.
we can listen to everyone and build walls around humanity,
or we can listen to our hearts building walls around our oppressors and build bridges with humanity.
The choice is ours.
We have our families.
We have our personhood battling to speak our mind in the surrounding society.
We create our own justice,
we create our own future,
we choose our destiny,
we can be lost wishing for a future,
we can become the oppressor we always hated,
we can become ourselves getting over our past getting over everyone,
giving ourselves the freedoms we deserve to be ourselves,
expressing the boundaries everyone can understand
so everyone respects each other with manners everyone deserves to receive,
looking toward the future,
being who we are allowing ourselves to express who we are,
not being too afraid of our differences,
realizing we all experience the same struggles
no matter what,
because,
no one can convince anyone to escape their life,
no can influence anyone that family values don’t matter,
no one can tell a person their differences need to be changed,
no one can influence anyone to be someone they are not,
everyone just needs to presume everyone can find their own direction
with their own differences relieving themselves from the struggles
everyone faces daily,
to finally building themselves in society
from being you to being the person they are,
escaping the many people who told them,
and allowing themselves to express their own identity in the end.

A Poem Called “Gram-mar, Gramm-er, GRAMMAR”

Gram-mar, Gramm-er, GRAMMAR

(Trigger Warning: this poem is about grammar. It is intended to de-stigmatize those people with grammar disabilities like dyslexia. Please read with caution and do not overlook the grammar)

by theamazinJ

It is something some disabled people have trouble with,
it’s called a formality of writing,
a presentation for the way things should look,
a view of the way a person finalizes their writing.
Gramker or Gramm-ar, or Gramm-er, or just GRAMMAR!
GRAMMAR is something some disabled people have problems communicating with,
and by doing so these disabled people feel oppressed
when they feel they struggle learning the proper ways to enunciate words,
the proper ways to communicate their writing and speech,
because communication is key to understanding every part of
what a person is trying to convey to their readers and listeners.
Communication has become formal and constricted to grammar.
Communication is important for everyone to understand
the way we will all speak, the way we type to speak, and even write to speak.
GRAMMAR! What the hell is it? Why is it so important?
Grammar helps everyone understand what we are trying to say to each other
in the most effective way possible,
some do better with composition writing, some do better with text to speech,
some do better with talking with their voice, some do better with wring with a pen,
some do better with painting, some do better with poetry,
some even do better filming themselves.
there are accommodations to grammar, to being grammatically correct in our own way,
Many disabled people struggle with this, with this A LOT, I know I do!
Grammar is something that everyone struggles with too
from a very few and far between to a lot,
but some things can be grammar to one human culture and not a problem to another.
It all depends on what culture you are in and what culture you are writing for.
There are some grammar in certain cultures that is fine while in others it is not.
Mainstream culture fights for certain things to be said their way,
while other cultures fight for their grammatical ways to be accepted,
some grammar is universally accepted by everyone.
Grammar has come to help others understand the communicator,
so that the audience from whatever can understand appropriately
without misunderstandings and listening appropriately.
Grammar is designed for communication,
everyone has their own design,
everyone has their own way,
and everyone wants to communicate to everyone.
we communicate for ourselves, to send out a message for others to hear,
so others can understand our message with empathy,
to find a community that understands the most,
and to heal the wounds that lay in our heads
from before the message was presented in the way we wanted it.
The message needs to be clear, it needs to be settled,
and it needs to have grammar no matter what.
Get fit, find your grammar, and learn grammar!

A Poem Called “From Self-Determination to Autonomy”

From Self-Determination to Autonomy,

by theamazinJ

It’s a choice,
we own it,
we take responsibility for those choices,
every situation, every decision we make, we own
from what we want to do every time, every day, and for every thing we want.
Every choice has consequences and dignity of risk,
every choice has rewards,
every choice is what makes us real,
every choice is what makes us learn,
every choice helps us grow,
alone with choices,
alone with what we have done every day,
alone with the idea of responsibility.
No one can control another no matter what
especially with any choice an individual citizen wants to make.
It’s called dignity of faith,
it’s called presuming competence,
and most importantly,
it’s called believing that the person can think on their own
without influencing them that they can’t.
Building the arts into the decision,
creating our own destiny,
building up our own self-direction independent from others
with the support from those who will support us
no matter what, and ignoring the backlash,
ignoring the people who don’t understand until they actually do.
Awareness is the first step for everyone in knowing what to do
and be aware of who we are,
giving dignity of respect for every citizen regardless of impairments,
the ability to understand who they are as a person,
learning about themselves, and understanding the world around them
from their points of view.
When we organize to form agency of thought in a congregation of governmental thought,
we do it to organize ideas, missions,
and knowing the best way to support each other without building walls surrounding each other.
Many thoughts go too deep, many thoughts think too closely to the status quo,
and some thoughts think outside the box.
A citizen means everyone who lives in a state, a country, together united as one,
a citizen listens to other citizens and understands what everyone goes through,
because it is about autonomy which leads to interdependence which leads to self-determination
into a self-directed goal.
Many people don’t understand what autonomy does for any citizen,
and may think autonomy is not having supports.
Interdependence is about autonomically having a direction the citizen wants
with whatever works for that citizen and the supports that citizen gets,
the importance from self-determination to autonomy.
Because in the end,
it’s not only believing in ourselves,
it is believing in the citizens that reside where we are, where we live, and what we are doing,
believing in every citizen from around the world, disabled or not,
to grow, to find what works for them, to be educated, and to build support around that.
That’s what self-determination and autonomy really is!

A Poem Called “It’s Not About Inspiration”

It’s Not About Inspiration,

by theamazinJ

Jerks, Assholes, Taunters, Real,
Inspiration?
We can all be jerks,
we can all be assholes,
we can all be taunters,
We are all real,
but we are all not inspirations.
I am not your inspiration,
and you are no body’s inspiration.
Inspiration is being a jerk,
inspiration is a being an ass,
inspiration is being a bully,
inspiration taunts us,
inspiration is not being real,
inspiration is being anything but real.
Disabled people are not your inspiration.
Autistic people are not your inspiration.
Inspiration is real, yes, but
we need to think of it as something within us,
not from outside of us.
Inspiration, yes?
No, inspiration, no.
Everyone is a jerk at some point during the day.
Everyone spins what they want others to understand about life.
So, why pity someone for who they are?
So, why not act like everyone is a person, disabled or non-disabled alike?
Disabled people are jerks just as much as able-bodied people are!
Disabled people are citizens just as much as you are.
I am disabled, but I am a citizen.
It does not matter what impairments or how severe the impairments can be,
no matter who you meet, everyone is a citizen.
The more we think this, the more we act it,
the more we remember being a citizen has many attributes,
whether able-bodied or disabled.
As a disabled person who can be an asshole or be a understanding person,
or as a able-bodied person who can be the same,
disability does not mean lacking humanity or being more than humanity,
disability is humanity.
Disability has varying degrees of impairments,
and impairments can be expensive to support depending on what is impaired
and how severe the impairment.
When thinking of being human, let’s think of all the variables of being human,
there are times when people are smart,
there are times when people can act stupid,
there are times when people can be an ass,
there are times when people can be a moron,
there are times when we people don’t think things through,
there are times when everyone plans out everything,
everyone takes disability too seriously and tragically,
when disability can affect anyone at any time in their life,
depending on when it strikes, what it strikes, and how it strikes,
depends on how the person reacts to disability.
There is no more putting down disability,
there is no more thinking disability is more than life,
there is no more disability is the end of life as we know it,
because disability is what makes life interesting,
it’s what makes life real,
it’s what makes human life being human
and being mortal and being imperfect
in a world that is constantly changing,
in a world that is rapidly transitioning,
and in a world that needs to normalize disability
as being the norm of humanity.
So, in universally designing society
we need to design structures and events
to allow however a person moves,
however a person communicates,
and however a person learns
to allow a person to applaud and flapplaud simultaneously
and allow a person to sign, talk, and use assistative technology
with ease without lurking, without staring, and without belittling or teasing,
because in the end,
universal design is about recognizing everyone however they are,
and not enabling them to be martyrs,
without enabling them to be inspirations,
and just letting everyone live the life they want to live
with their families, with their friends, and with their communities,
with the self-determination they want to self-direct their life with
even if it is choosing to live in the community
or choosing to live in a congregate setting.
Finally, its the choices that we learn from
that makes up our humanity.

A Poem Called “Survival of the Fittest”

Survival of the Fittest,

by theamazinJ

Survival, living, escaping, living,
life, journey, and mind blowing experiences.
survival of the fittest,
surviving the struggle from the human interactions
everyday,
finding hope in a journey to be yourself,
away from everyone else’s mistakes, identities, and voices,
speaking the one true voice of your self,
of what an individual wants, needs, and desires.
Life’s journey takes us 2 steps forward,
one step backward, every day of our life.
We cannot dwell on the liars,
we cannot sulk over the way a narcissist spins it
and all their followers twist the truth
to make everyone else insane,
to make everyone so crazy,
and to make everyone feel alone with their thoughts
as the narcissist leads.
Everyone craves themselves,
but many people forget to forgive themselves
and forget that everyone is in this together
to organize for human right, civil rights.
Many people forget the most important thing
is an individual’s self-determination
regardless of impairments
to allow everyone to just live.
Living is the most complicated, emotional, and loving
part of the human experience.
We are all living to get to reach our goals,
without influences, and with experiencing each day
with those who love us so dearly and explicitly,
but most importantly,
living is a daily dose of a grain of salt,
a way we need to not think of the words,
a way not to think of the way the words are drawn out,
but processing the words in the meaning of love
by those who communicating with us, with care.
Some may not be caring,
some may not really care,
some may be leading us into creating walls of despair,
and it takes sometimes effort to know
who really cares and who does not,
who builds bridges and not walls,
who really is in our life temporarily,
and who is there for life.
The meaning of survival of the fittest,
is not about the dominant person or human being that survives,
it’s not about allowing the weak to die off into extinction,
it is about the dominance of love in our life
regardless where we stand, sit, or crawl
as part of the animal kingdom
how we embrace are affection for love,
and the hugs and kisses and other forms of love
and how any body communicates,
we interact with, with those in our life,
because in the end,
love is actually the dominance of
survival of the fittest,
and that’s all that it really means.