A Poem called “Karma”

Karma,

by theamazinJ

WE choose,
We stipulate,
we antagonize,
we pathologize,
we protagonize,
we hurt,
we heal,
we feel sad,
we feel happy,
we choose,
we choose faith,
we choose thou,
we choose to be a leader,
we choose to lead our own life,
we choose life,
we choose death,
we choose how to live,
Thou teaches us,
Thou allows us to choose,
we can perfect,
or, we can accept
and live life happily,
we can fix,
or, we can move forward
working with what we got,
it is a choice,
we get to choose
depending on what
is going on,
do we choose life?
do we choose death?
We vote for a leader
in a society,
we vote for what we want
in a leader.
If a leader leads we don’t want,
we feel disappointed,
we feel discouraged,
and we feel ashamed,
yet, as karma states:
we get what we give
and we take what we have given.
Sometimes a leader we don’t want
in a society,
is just part of the process
of karma.
WE need to think about what we’ve done,
we need to think about what we haven’t done,
and, if we don’t want that leader,
then we need to change our thinking
for more positive things
for a change of what we do
and for an apology for what we’ve all done,
thats brings in a leader we all don’t want now
because in the end,
we all really wanted that leader we
hate, we don’t like in a society,
and in order to fix a situation
of bad leadership is by
changing our thoughts
changing our mindset
and, changing our ways
to take responsibility
as thoughts become reality
to change things for the better,
to change things for the good,
and change from negative to positive.
It’s the only way to
not repeat history,
it’s the only way toward success,
and it’s the only thing toward being
happy and feeling good
toward what we do,
cause in the end,
it is us, only us,
we choose everything,
we are responsible for everything,
we responsibly choose all our leaders,
and we responsibly choose to fix or not,
but the only thing we can do is fix what
we think about life
no matter what,
so in the end,
thou wants us to change our thoughts,
thou wants us to break the walls down,
thou wants us to break the loop,
and, thou wants us to establish
continuity toward living
because otherwise we are dying
leaving the human race
toward an empty world
not filled with anything
but simple matter and grime,
so let’s begin to change our thoughts,
let’s begin to build the bridges,
let’s begin to move forward,
let’s begin to converse with everyone,
let’s begin to think we can change everything,
and, let’s begin to accept neurodiversity
in to our lives,
because in the end,
it’s all about us, not them,
and certainly not about thou.

A Poem Called “Letting Go”

Letting go,

by theamazinJ

Healing myself,
putting the past behind me,
helping myself,
no longer hurting,
not fearing the future,
allowing myself to love,
holding myself to feel my growth,
no longer arguing,
no longer disputing,
just moving forward
just letting go of the past
helping myself to be who I am
without yelling,
without raising my voice,
and just speaking in peace
speaking with justice,
contributing with my hands
figuring things out
how to work with others,
how to build bridges in the community
how to build cultures together
and how we can communicate.

Sometimes it raises questions
of concern,
Sometimes it raises disputes
from the past,
then it allows me to let go
and feel myself fly,
but, it allows me to draw
it allows me to write
it allows me to communicate
one and for one and one for all,
things happen,
and it does not matter what happened,
as long as we continue to move forward,
as long as we grow forward,
as long as we continue to learn,
and most importantly,
as long as we live.

It takes time,
to let go,
It takes time
to see the unknown
and not be afraid,
it takes time,
to work hard on
what we need to do
in order to be positive
working hard on creating change
as an activist,
as I build bridges,
and as I do not limit myself
to speaking with only a certain group,
a certain people,
and focusing on teaching,
and focusing on my culture
and building inclusive community
with cross cultures
including disability
while breaking stereotypes
from the inside, out,
it takes time,
it takes precious time,
but we need to try,
we need to work it out,
and we need to find hope,
and strength,
and work it all out in the end,
because in the end,
it is all up to us,
it is all up to
what we want to accomplish,
being positive or
being negative,
in order to deconstruct the world
from something negative,
we need to construct something bigger,
something newer and great,
and something we can all benefit from
to work to build
inclusive community
with universal design.
So, let’s all let go,
and help contribute
constructing
a universally designed
inclusive community.

A Poem called “A Crying Call for America”

A Crying Call for America,

by theamazinJ

I am sad.
I feel angry.
I feel mad.
My tears are flowing.
America the beautiful,
the America I thought was beautiful,
instead is America the bigoted,
America the ableist,
America the heterosexist,
America the racist,
America the misogynist
America the antisemites
America the islamophobes
I feel sad.
America, I thought you have learned from your past,
America, Why?
America, How could you?
America, the inexperienced
America, How could you be so inexperienced?
America, voting for inexperience in a election?
America, America, the one I thought was so beautiful,
America created the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights,
however, America did not adhere and abide to their own rules,
America needs justice,
America needs our activists like me to fight,
America needs to value everyone
America cannot be hypocritical
America, how dare you be hypocritical?
We are supposed to value each other regardless,
instead we have bigots,
instead we have horrible people running in government
for the next 4 years as president,
for the next 2 years in congress,
America, all its citizens are going to fight,
we are going to fight your bigotry,
we are going to fight your ableism,
we are going to fight your heterosexism,
we are going to fight your racism,
we are going to fight for women,
we are going to fight for jews,
we are going to fight for muslims,
we are going to fight for equal rights for all,
America, we are going to abide by the bill of rights,
America, the first amendment stands as our freedom,
America, we are going to defend ourselves during much needed times,
America, America, America, we will defend the ADA, IDEA, and CIVIL RIGHTS laws,
We will make sure the popular vote is going to adhere for president,
We have every right to do this for HUMAN rights is our CIVIL rights,
Everyone deserves it,
I can only cry for so long before I fight harder than I ever have,
as an activist,
as a change maker,
as a peace maker,
as I ensure every voice counts
and every voice matters as a citizen of this country,
Fight, Fight, Fight
Let’s stop the bigotry once and for all,
Let’s get the most experienced and open minded people in government
Let’s kick out the inexperienced and closed minded,
and most of all,
Let’s create community once and for all,
supporting everyone,
listening to each other,
speaking in settings where every voice is heard,
working side by side with everyone around us,
let’s just make sure disabled people’s lives are valued, consistent, and heard
like any other voice out there,
and let’s identify with whatever intersectional statuses that makes up who we are,
It does not matter if we identify:
as disabled,
as LGBTQIA,
as Straight,
as a woman,
as a man,
as non-binary genders,
as muslim,
as jewish,
as christian,
as black people,
as latin people,
as indigenous people,
as whatever we want to say we are,
because in the end,
we are all human,
we are all living self-determined lives,
we all want to have our own direction in our lives
to do the best we can do for ourselves and the community,
because we are all interdependent,
and all our voices matter,
not just the supremacists,
and as a community,
support matters
even when someone needs benefits and supports from the government,
even when someone does not need these things at the moment,
because we all live interdependently,
we all know disability is part of the human experience,
we all know what we have to do for each other,
we all need support,
we all need are own space,
we all need are own tribe,
we all have our faith regardless of the interpretation,
regardless if we believe in faith or not,
and once again,
America, be beautiful once and for all,
not great, but strong and beautiful,
beautiful in diversity,
beautiful in neurodiversity,
Thank you for everything the founding fathers and everyone else who made the amendments for us,
It’s a good plan,
Stop fighting the plan,
let’s all abide by it and fight for this plan,
Enough said.

A Poem Called “The Heart-Wrenching Responsibility Everyone Must Take “

The Heart-Wrenching Responsibility Everyone Must Take,

by theamazinJ

Everyone stole my trust,
Everyone stole my dignity,
Everyone played a game with me,
Everyone led me on,
Everyone influenced me,
Everyone influenced everyone who cares about me,
Everyone lied so much about what is really true,
as I gave my power away to too many people
for far too long,
and have taken it back
from a lot of pain I caused myself,
everyone denies everything
they ever said,
no one knows how to take responsibility
until it is the moment they really have to,
and that moment for me is now.
I take responsibility for listening,
I take responsibility for causing the pains of so many,
I take responsibility for choosing to allow everyone to rent space in my head,
as I kick everyone’s voices and ideas
out of my head and out of my mind
from my whole lifetime
to just be left with my thoughts
and no one else’s.
As I do what I want to do with my activism,
and as I apologize so dearly and sincerely to a great lot of people,
including to my family.
Everyone is a good person,
with their own envy,
and with their own anger.
Everyone took advantage of the situation
leading me to think everyone is
a soft spoken angel
who does no wrong.
The truth is, no one is an angel
and we are all growing to be angels
eventually when we cross over.
I caused pain from my anxiety that became so severe
that I triggered many people
that I made so many think about there past traumas,
and use all that to help me leave,
to help me get away to try to start a life on my own,
but it was not right,
it was not responsible,
and I needed to settle things
rather than run away like a mouse,
I needed to walk away like a man.
A man with my dreams, my vision for my future,
and do what I need to do for myself.
Though, wound up not good,
it created a devastating effect in my life,
causing tremendous pain,
even though it was an experience I had to experience,
while learning so much a long the way
taking in many gifts as well as tremendous pain
from the anxiety that led it all on,
it is true that ‘anxiety is a killer’
because it really truly is,
a person who lied to me
took advantage of me
as I am an Autistic person,
as I am a disabled person,
and too many people think he is right,
too many people think that his word is golden,
too many people think they are more like god,
however, they are only human,
and can lie, and lied too much,
leading me on, leading my family on,
and leading too many people on
for far too long still today,
for good reason though,
since this man who is human
and imperfect like anyone else,
thinks they are perfect,
thinks they do no wrong
even in this situation,
and never knows how to take responsibility.
I respected everyone for a long time,
I respected everyone and gave everyone power over me
my whole life,
even though I had the power all along
to take ownership of myself,
as I started finally to take my power back,
a while back,
to believe that
everything I know and everything I believe,
is not a facade, not a hoax,
and was never ‘scrambled’,
it is just my own thoughts and ideology,
as one person said: I take things literally
from things this person says to me,
even though, I take things literally
because I am Autistic
and that is part of what makes me whole,
and makes me a good person,
yet this person is jealous of me too.
as I have a lot of potential,
as I am becoming a leader,
as I am a leader,
as I lead my own life,
And, as I can subside the bleeding,
I can heal everything even everyone around me,
but it will take time,
a lot of precious time,
as I apologize to everyone
one by one,
as everyone I need to say something too,
and hope everyone can finally take responsibility too
and apologize to everyone they ever caused pain to
and denying everything,
and just acknowledging their responsibility too,
their identity, and their anger.
Some people are blind to their responsibility,
and some are blind to acknowledging their anger
from their own jealousy.
I just know the only person who
can take responsibility is myself,
the only person who can apologize
is myself,
and I cannot convince anyone
to take responsibility,
I cannot convince anyone
to apologize,
I can only convince myself.
so, in doing so,
I apologize,
I apologize for listening to everyone, but myself,
I sincerely apologize to everyone
who I caused pain to
from my anxiety
choosing to give in to my anxiety
from the way I felt,
from the way I chose to leave,
as I took it to an extreme,
and not relaxed my mind
so that I can think logically
and solve the issues I needed to,
logically in order,
because in the end, I do love everyone.
I am Autistic and I have so much potential,
I am Autistic and I am a human being,
and this was a setback,
a major setback
because of my anxiety.
I had been not generalizing situations,
and looked at specific things too much
that others took advantage of,
and those specific things made me upset
especially with my anxiety,
and I have grown as a person,
I have tremendous growth I have grown from,
as a disabled adult,
as a disabled activist, artist, and scholar,
and I have grown to become
the Adult I can teach my children one day
from the wife I choose some day to marry,
and some day I will be a great husband to that woman,
a some day I will be a great father
because I have learned a lot
to teach everything I learned in my life,
from the experience I needed to experience
to grow,
but first I need to do a lot more in my life
to further my career and skills,
and eventually find that special person
to complete me in my life,
to make it all happen the way I always wanted.
Because in my life, I care deeply,
I love so easily, and
easily give in to anxiety all too well,
that ruins relationships too easily
needing to remember that
everyone has agendas,
everyone is jealous,
and that we cannot trust so easily,
we have to critically analyze
what people say sometimes,
to come to our own conclusions,
remember everyone cares about us,
remembering everyone makes mistakes,
remembering when people con us,
and how much love we can give,
while we need to
be comfortable in our own skin,
take ownership in ourselves,
our identity,
the things we like,
the things we want to accomplish,
the things we are good at,
the things we are weak at,
the things we love about life,
remembering why we have a good life,
and take responsibility in everything we do,
because in the end,
it is the choices we make that matter,
that affect everything and everyone around us,
everything that happens is in our choices,
and we have to remember
to love thyself,
to embrace those who care about us,
to build community without creating walls
and without burning bridges with anyone;
because finally,
it is our life to live
for our own self-determination
in our own self-direction we want in our life,
and advocate for ourselves for what we want in our life,
without being jealous,
without feeling anxiety too much,
letting go of ourselves to reach our goals,
learning from other people,
learning how we can cope with anxiety,
and for that I do sincerely apologize
to everyone even if it is hard
to forgive me, I do sincerely
say “I am sorry”.

A Poem called a “Humbling Heart”

Humbling Heart,

by theamazinJ

It’s humbling,
It’s my life,
It’s what I was always taught,
from the beginning when I was born
to the time I am alive right now,
I was born of a humbling heart.
I was taught to fight for my rights,
I was taught to never give up,
I was taught not to let anyone rent space in my head,
I was taught to be stronger than I actually am,
I was taught to speak up and say “Excuse Me” sometimes,
I was taught to be as self-sufficient as I possibly can,
I was taught to speak up about the supports I need
to get everyone to understand who I am, what I do, what I want, and what my needs are,
I was taught never to settle for anything,
Most importantly, I was taught about love
and the meaning of connecting with those who care about me,
I was taught than when I get hurt by any one,
to leave behind those who have caused me pain,
sometimes it can be hard to leave behind
because I have an innate sense of connection
with everyone to bring about peace, forgiveness, and honor.
Everyone deserves a chance to learn about love,
even those who cause pain.
Everyone may not understand love the way I was taught,
but I have that innate light to try anyway.
This may upset those others who care,
this may frustrate all the others about me.
My strength and determination is:
never hold a grudge,
never not love,
never give up on me,
never ever stop connecting,
never ever ever stop teaching about love
even if it takes a lifetime or
time at the other side to learn about the love
so many may not understand,
and love is:
genuinely not seeing things in black and white,
not being polarized,
being open minded to everyone,
forgiving all and everyone,
fighting for everyone’s civil rights no matter what
to live the life the way an individual citizen knows how,
love is letting go of all the pains we feel from the past,
and most importantly,
accepting everyone for what its worth,
love is incredibly amazing,
love is self-care,
love is for everyone to take responsibility without blaming others at any time
thinking about the pain you cause too,
love is understanding the different languages and ways to communicate
that you may not do, but need to learn to listen to,
love is about stimming and moving differently to show and express ourselves,
love is accepting and conversing with any one even when you disagree,
love is a journey for many to learn in a lifetime,
while some may learn a lot sooner than others,
love is not being angry at any one or situation,
love is not only loving certain people’s ideas and selves,
love is not fighting with violence with any one,
love is not cursing others, any one, or people who do things wrong,
and love is a spiritual calling
for ‘one for all and all for one’
to see the love we see in the mirror
every day,
love means not being jealous,
while love means supporting everyone
and listening to everyone
between their ideas and yours,
love means giving equal love to everyone
without giving more to another,
because in the end,
it’s all about the love
we have for each other
as part of the human race
and as a part of building community
around the world
interconnecting interrelatedly,
that’s all about love
and all about faith,
so let’s stop, think, and let go
to the boundless efforts of love
even if I am a disabled activist
in love with disability studies
and the social model,
and you may not be.