A Poem Called “Open at the Close”

Open at the Close,

by theamazinJ

My knowledge is useful,
my life is pure,
my feelings are genuine,
my misery is normal,
my normal is my companion,
whether I am feeling happy or not.
My trope is believable,
I am a Human being,
I am validated
because of thou
up in the heavens
looking down at us
and can live my life from all that.
I am golden,
I am not inspiration,
I lead by my own life,
by the way I am,
even after surgeries,
even after medicines,
even after accommodations,
I see too much
as sight worthy
and can see everything
from what any one is doing.
I feel difficult, different
in a marginalized life,
though, I am unforeseen,
I am open to all that is open,
I close at the open,
I open at the close,
I am a spectre
moving up and down
through the door,
seeing Gold, Gold, Gold,
remarkably open,
closed on me,
closed on you,
life is like that,
from an incredibly beautiful way to live,
regardless of what you think,
or, who you are,
life is beautiful
to all that we can say
to all that we do,
and to all that we are
because,
this life is all about
the way we see it,
the way we want to live it,
and remembering
we are open at the close
and close at the open
no matter what
and for whatever it is worth.

A Poem Called “Feelings”

Feelings,

by theamazinJ

Are we mad?
Are we crying?
Are we angry?
Madness is real,
Happiness is seriously experienced.
It’s Ok to be crying,
It’s Ok to be angry,
It’s Ok to laugh and enjoy,
Feelings are real,
but how much is too much,
how much feelings can we really express,
feelings hurt, feelings show hurt,
feelings can be happy,
feelings can be funny,
feelings can go too far
feelings can not express that much,
feelings are emotional,
everywhere we go,
everywhere we see things,
we express our emotions through feelings,
Raging feelings from everywhere,
raging these things sometimes extremely,
sometimes not so much,
but, is it Ok to express our feelings as hurt?
Sometimes we scream to be heard,
other times we whisper to conceal,
and many times its hard to speak up clearly
what we want to express from our feelings.
Everywhere we go,
everywhere we think things through,
every time we search for what we feel,
we don’t exactly feel.
The search is over,
feelings are there through emotions,
it’s Ok to express how we feel,
no matter how we feel.
It takes guts,
it takes experience to use them,
and it even allows our feelings to ponder.
Pondering joy,
withering sadness,
perseverating over anger,
being afraid,
it’s all a part of being human.
It’s okay to stay strong,
but being strong is using these feelings
using these as entitlements,
using these as part of privileges,
using these parts of ourselves
like a lion roaring in the country,
because
we experience everything really
we experience almost anything,
and we experience growth when we age,
for as we age,
we experience feelings like an eclipse,
an eclipse that is unpredictable in how we feel about things,
an eclipse that contributes to graphic display,
when it’s so important to feel,
even when we want to explore,
and even when we give love in the dark
to bring in the light,
while we feel,
while we enjoy the bright lights,
finally experiencing the world.
Everywhere we go,
everywhere we stay,
everywhere we live,
we need to curb our feelings
we need to let go and pick our battles,
because in the end,
there are consequences
more so than rewards,
and from those consequences is taking responsibility
remembering to use those feelings kindly
while without warning and without unpredictability,
to give those around you
the feelings you want them to have
to feel good.

A Poem Called “Society Meets the Activist”

Society Meets the Activist,

by theamazinJ

One day,
a long time ago,
in a far off place,
society met an Activist,
the first of their kind.
The Activist spoke out against everything society stood for,
I mean, everything, literally everything,
Talking about society’s social construction,
talking about society’s discrimination,
even talking about society’s lack of accommodation,
and when the shit hit the fan even more,
society’s idea of passing rather than being true to ourselves.
The Activist turns 20, then 30, then 40 and so on,
and every time the Activist says something,
they are bullied into silence,
they are told they are fake,
they are told to be quiet and let society just be,
they are told to not be loud and proud,
they are told to take a vacation or just leave society for good,
everywhere the Activist goes,
he wants to make a difference,
to show the society what Human dignity means,
what Human respect means,
and the ways everyone needs accommodating,
the way society can be accessible if they even try,
A long time ago before the first of the month,
society jumped in to vote for a sloth,
a man who would fight Activists,
a man who would say the work Activists have done was fake,
a man who created the term Fake News,
a man who marked war against the world,
a man who created fights between himself and every minority group
including the disability minority group,
especially those people who think and play and move and live differently than him,
a man who is a supremacist,
a man who hates Activists, but then calls himself an Activist for doing what he does,
Activists have gotten criticism for the work they do
and even from the very first Activist a long time ago
in a galaxy far far away,
because being an Activist is tough,
being an Activist is one of the hardest things anyone can do,
Activists make societies uncomfortable,
Activists make the leader of any society go crazy,
Activists speak out and then get hashed by society,
Activists ignore society’s words,
until the Activist actually passes on,
then everyone praises the Activist who spoke out,
and a day or memorial becomes real for the Activist who passed on
to one day everyone quoting them
even when everyone fought against the Activist while alive,
even when everyone took a stand that they would never do it,
however, the Activist took a stand, and now everyone listens,
and now, everyone sees what they said,
finally in the end,
The Activist looks down upon the society from the heavens above,
noticing this change, noticing this new embodiment,
and says to oneself with all smiles and chuckling:
“Now, they listen, really, now they really are listening
really, I am astonished, I am a star up here in the heavens,
shining down on them at night, and
when I could speak, no one wanted to listen to me,
thanks a lot to all thou, thanks to all thou”
As society takes on more and more giving and less trash talk
for what the Activist said, for every action the Activist conveyed,
and for every time the Activist fought them to be heard
exactly how they Activist wanted to heard,
So, continue what you are doing,
if you believe it,
someday it will happen.
Someday they will all listen,
even if it takes a lifetime.
Believe.
And Move forward.

A Poem Called “Tyrant and Martyr”

Tyrant and Martyr,

by theamazinJ

One day,
a tyrant walked in the door,
they walked up to the cafe stand,
sat down on the bench,
asked for a coffee, a shot of whisky, and steak with eggs,
asking the steak be well done to martyr without the blood,
The Tyrant say “I hate blood, I drink far too often”
The Martyr taking their order says “Be right up and ready in 10 minutes”
The Tyrant spills the beans,
they become very serious as always,
the tyrant rubs his forehead in dismay,
they refute anything that comes their way.
The tyrant sits and waits,
and waits and waits and waits,
ready for something to happen.
The martyr disputes the order.
They take the conversation further,
saying to each other without each other hearing either one,
“You hurt me, You started first, NOW is the time your going to pay”
The tyrant thinks in their own mind how they will make their martyr pay
while the martyr thinks of ways their tyrant can seek revenge.
The martyr glares at the whisky, wonders about the coffee,
and thinks of something as that steak grills
while those eggs get cooked and cooked.
The tyrant fuels their anger on ways to say
how much the martyr is their beyotch.
But, the martyr is thinking something differently,
that may be the Tyrant is their lover.
A lover who cannot admit their vulnerabilities,
and instead changes the thoughts and feelings
of the martyr to think they are vulnerable to them.
The tyrant grabs their fork, gets up from their chair at the bar,
and brings the fork to the chart outside the bathroom,
throws the fork into the bullseye,
and says to themselves, “I won!”
The martyr takes their spoon
and cherishes for themselves to ease their energy
while remembering something they need to communicate.
The martyr has been abused by their tyrant.
The tyrant wants the martyr to think of their abuse to them.
No one wins anything right, but everyone wins in their own way.
Every time the tyrant and the martyr walk into the room together,
they spill themselves like this every single time
no matter what.
So, what it’s going to be?
The tyrant gets their way
or, the martyr finally gets theirs.
The martyr or the tyrant?
Is the Tyrant accusatory?
Is the martyr thinking about revenge when they shouldn’t?
Violence among each other,
violence solving issues?
Human contact is vulnerable to violence,
whether it is physical, emotional, psychological, or even spiritual.
The tyrant finally gets their steak and eggs after longer than 10 minutes,
after that finally gets their whisky,
then after that gets their coffee spilling with beans.
The tyrant asks “What are these beans for?” to the martyr.
The martyr answers “The beans are for every time you pass gas thinking about every thought you ever had”
The tyrant stands up glaring at the martyr,
“Is that a threat?”
The Martyr just says “No, it’s what happens when you eat beans that come with your eggs, see it’s on the menu”
The Tyrant says “Oh, I didn’t see that!”
The Tyrant backs down and goes about eating.
See, the tyrant thinks they knows everything, has hurt many in their lifetime, and takes away freedoms.
While, seeing how the martyr is very angry the way their freedoms were taken away by them.
The tyrant calls for action and terrible action everyday,
thinking the world is about to end without them,
while the martyr thinks the world has ended already from the Tyrant.
However, the tyrant is giddy and laughing now,
when they walk to the next table behind the bar they are sitting down on,
seeing another potential for them to abuse.
The tyrant explains they are getting up to the martyr,
when the martyr asks “What for?”
But, the Tyrant gets up, pays 5 dollars on the counter, and walks over to the other at the tables.
The Martyr says “But, that will be 20 dollars, not 5…”
The Tyrant does not care and begins walk up to the other,
when the other does not realize it or even see the Tyrant coming,
there is a huge bang suddenly heard, the lights go out, and their is scuffling,
5 minutes later, the lights go back on,
The tyrant is laying there lying on their back,
without anything,
when the other suddenly gets up wondering what happened,
and the martyr gets around the counter to the table wondering the same,
while that happens,
the martyr and the other say together in whispers “Is dead? Call the ambulance.”
Then, the other says more loudly “Call the Ambulance!” to the martyr.
the martyr calls the ambulance.
the ambulance comes with the police together,
when the police says to the martyr “So, what happened?”
As the tyrant is taken by ambulance to the hospital,
the police and martyr are talking in the cafe casually
smiling back and forth from each other,
when the other is looking back at the cafe
from a half a block away
while the ambulance is loudly driving away sirens on and off and on
to the hospital for help from the doctors…

A Poem Called “Mourning”

(Trigger Warning: the painful moments may trigger some.)

Mourning,

by theamazinJ

Violence,
hurt,
physical pain,
emotional pain,
murderous draining of blood,
seeping from our veins abstractly,
the pain persists with everyone,
it persists in the community,
it persists in segregated settings,
it persists with disabled people,
it persists with black people,
it persists with jewish people,
it persists with muslims,
it persists with women,
it persists with differences in gender and (a)sexuality,
it persists because of eugenics,
it persists cause of American society today
especially with Donald Trump,
especially with the dark past history of America,
especially with this construction from Francis Galton,
the pain hurts even deeper and darker than that,
from the deepest roots of human history,
many people are in pain,
many people are in mourning
the lack of empathy from the current social construction
of how many individuals in mainstream society don’t understand,
of how many don’t want to understand,
and how we cannot get it right,
we cannot listen to each other,
of how no one has true understanding
unless the person has experienced
or flipped to that side of the coin,
and that only happens when we allow ourselves to experience,
when we just experience it,
and we begin to heal,
heal through humor,
heal through communicating,
heal through love,
heal through laughing amongst each other,
in the community and not in congregate settings separated from the community,
because it’s all about us,
it is all about life,
it’s not about mourning,
it’s not supposed to be a dark life,
it’s supposed to be about seeing the light,
seeing the positive sides of life,
experiencing and loving who we are
so we can experience and love everyone around us,
without causing pain to us or anyone else
regardless of how much pain we already have,
it’s about letting go and moving forward,
It’s Nothing about us, without us,
it’s just about love,
can you go back in time,
to a place in your mind,
to the one you knew you that you just couldn’t find,
when it’s said and done it’s not about losing love,
it’s not about the pain,
it’s about gaining love from everyone we meet,
taking in everything, but not taking too much pain,
the mourning of this day,
heals us when we can laugh instead of cry,
when we can let go and celebrate lives lost,
when we can let go and celebrate our own life,
and when we can just let go and move forward,
Mourning is more about how we laugh until we had to cry
and say to each other,
I love you no matter what,
I love you for who you are or who you were,
people touch, and it lives in our lives forever,
so, let’s move forward
and let’s meet halfway,
made of memories,
believing in destiny,
every moment is about getting living every moment
in the way we stick to each other in the community
regardless of impairments, regardless of what labels society gives us,
and we are stronger when we have given up,
given up on our egos,
given up on our arrogance,
and lived for the humility of humanity,
remembering and always never forgetting,
disability is a major part of human life,
so don’t neglect yourself, don’t neglect others,
and begin to accept the diversity in everything,
the diversity of life, between where we are
where we identify, claiming neurodivergent and claiming disability and even claiming neurotypicality,
finally,
it does not matter what people claim,
it just matters to be happy,
and live knowing
normality is real, but normality is accepting life the way it is,
in the living years
say it loud, say it clear,
so don’t blame the ones before, presently, or after,
just laugh with perfect humor among each other,
no matter what, no matter who,
when nothing about us, without us
really does matter.