Tag Archives: having boundaries

Reflecting on having good Solid Boundaries

This post is about how to express ourselves by creating boundaries and accepting other people’s boundaries. There is a list we need to make to create boundaries. It’s important to have them. If we don’t have boundaries, then people will walk all over us like we are moving mud down a hill.

Here is a list of things to remember to create your own boundaries that help me:

1) Set yourself up in situations with others where you can be trusted
2) Make a list of all the personal things and people you trust to tell these personal things to
3) When talking to other people randomly, remember the ABC’s of conversational skills, a) Attuning to what the other person is asking so as to not appear without a filter, b) remembering the B information to give is not the same as the A information which is your personal life, c) Be Concrete and Conspicuous to what the other person is asking, i.e, Never let the other person take control of your life, it’s your life not theirs!!
4) Remember if you are in a private confidential setting talking to someone or in a public domain, for example, therapist, family, or close friend. (by close friend I mean someone who cares about you and you know a long time)
5) Disregard questions you find too offensive to answer because people are being nosy!!
6) Set up a day to vent in private room to meditate to relax about things you don’t need to say, but feel the urge to say, then express that to the list of people you can trust.
7) Not every one is a friend you can trust, there are different levels of friendship. Trust needs to be built in time.

Boundaries are hard to build, but with practice it can be done. It might take a long time to build trust with other people. In the end it will happen and you will know that boundaries exist. Acceptance is not just about accepting yourself, but accepting others too. By accepting yourself and others, you accept and create boundaries between others.

A better way of life is being strong about who you are and what you can do to not be pushed around. One thing I definitely learned in my life is just because someone smiles at you does not mean they are being a friend, they may just want more information from you. What is a smile anyway? If we can not trust a simple smile, then what can we trust.

Instead we need to be stronger and more guarded at what we say to others. People like us for several reasons. It’s important to remember to be endearing, kind, smart, bright, positive, trusting, stronger, and the awesome person that we can be. I know a lot of people want to get to know me. They feel they are attracted to good energy when with me. Though I have boundaries too and care about certain people in my life. It’s good to get to know others, but it’s also good to create situations for trust. I feel I need to reflect on myself, my family, and the friends I have. I reflect on This Emotional Life series I was on when Chevy Chase said he only has 3 friends. Well, if he only has 3 friends, then that is amazing since most people are lucky to have just 1 good friend.

Facebook or Twitter is interesting because people are obsessed with how many friends or followers they have. People have 5,000 friends on Facebook or 1,000 followers on Twitter, but how many of those people are truly friends. I do think social media is a good thing because it makes the a world better place that is well connected. It’s good to be connected on social media because it’s a learning technique to be with other people. It creates ways to interact with people who you can relate to you and give added support. It also helps with interactions. It’s important to be connected to someone you relate to and share with that person. The world is becoming a connected network, but we still need to know that a person is not necessarily a friend at first site. Every one has an agenda and every one wants something from another person. So remember to keep your boundaries handy on a piece of paper you keep in your wallet as to open it when you feel it is necessary to remember what we wrote to ourself. If someone knows they can take my hand for instance, they will take my whole arm and eventually my body. We own our mind, body, and spirit for a reason. We can’t just take it for granted and just give it away! Remember you own yourself and I own me. We are all in control of our own lives. We need to take it easy to respect ourselves and others.

Have a good Mother’s Day!!



Boundaries are an important aspect of life to set up for oneself and for each person you meet there are different boundary levels.  How far or short can one go?

Think of it like a commerical on television first.  When TV commercials are on they are only one for a certain amount of time like 30 seconds or a bit more depending on the commercial and that is their boundary.  If they exceed longer than that it cuts into the main event of the night which is your telelvison show you want to watch.

When you call someone up on the phone, it is like the same thing only you are dealing with a single individual where each single individual has different levels of their boundaries.

Well, there are certain rules I am finding out for now and once and for all.  That is, if you call someone up at work, it is not to chit chat but to ask a serious question like an emergency for a friend to help out with or a serious question that only that person can answer. Usually it is of someone you can trust who can give you the advice you want to have, but in the end you have to make up your own mind.

For one thing is, you can’t spend every waking hour calling every one and anyone you know to talk to them.  You must decide who are those people you want to talk to most of the time, and those you talk to every once in a while.

It is a judgment that you must make based on realistic judgments.  If you know someone calls you on a regular basis, you have to determine if that person is worth your time or not.

If the person has an intellectual conversation with you, then it is worth it in my mind. If they are not having an intellectual conversation than it is not worth it in my mind. Yet, every one thinks differently and has different aspirations in life.   Some people I talk to have very very dirty minds, while others I talk to are very very clean.  I like to talk very intellectually and not so much the latter.

The more I can learn something new, the better in my mind.

Yet, there is another aspect of all of this, are people just talking to push anxiety on to someone else to become anxiety ridden?

If so, STOP, think, and use the anxiety in a different way like meditation and/or exercise.

People talk for different reasons some are good and others are bad.

I spoke with a friend yesterday morning who whenever I talk to this person lately he tries to lecture me on things I already know, yet may be he is just wants to reinforce it in my head.

There are so many things that requires boundaries in this world and they”re people in this world that do not understand them.

Boundary making for yourself is important so that people respect you.  Boundary making is important so that you and others have a sense of respect for you and others vice versa.

posting later on,

Out, J