Tag Archives: god winks

A door opens up every day

Living in the deep end of the ocean can be a an interesting more quiet way to live. Living in the unknown quiet life allows people to spend their time without being in the public eye. These days every one seems to be in the public eye from the internet boom. The internet boom brought Facebook, Twitter, and other networks together to give people a chance to share their stories to the world, but whatever happened to the quiet life. Some people need these sites in order to feel good while other people use them to enjoy what they have already. We need to enjoy every minute of life as it comes to us.

In a lot of ways it is important to share stories to help out other people who may be have the similar struggles. A lot of people can benefit from the ways in which they can help themselves or others. We are all human beings anyway with similar problems. A person can distinguish who they are as a person by pinching themselves in the arm and feeling pain. It is just an example of one of the feelings we have. It does not mean we should always feel pain because a lot of the times we can feel happy. It is just up to us to be joyous with what we do in our life.

Some people don’t realize this, but you must feel joy in your heart by first giving yourself a kiss on the back of your hand. It shows you love who you are. It may be hard for some people to do this, in the end, it makes life a lot easier. Some people may have a hard time knowing how they can love themselves because they may feel they have nothing to give. They may have sensory problems, social difficulties, and/or lack of motivation in society to do the necessary functions to be able to live independently.
Living independently should be the goal of any one in society. It is very important as a first step to living independently and to be a contributing member of society to love yourself before you can love other people. Ultimately, you will finally live your life the way you were meant to be in society.

A simple goal for yourself should be discovering a door opening every day for you.

posting again soon,


All to often in the state of what others might call a disaster, is a blessing

It depends on how you look at a situation whether you see something as a disaster or a blessing in disguise.  Some people feel a big snow storm with strong gusty winds is a disaster.  If you look at the bright side of everything, it is a blessing in disguise.  It makes people have to be home with their families and/or friends more rather than on the road driving a car.  Cars can be one of the worst inventions at times or one of the most awesome inventions of all time.  Sometimes cars cause anarchy because people want to get to their destination as quickly as they can, so as you see people driving by on the roads, people are passing each other.  Some people don’t even observe the rules of the road or what they learned in Driver’s Education which causes car accidents.  There have been too many car accidents in history because people can be too impatient.  After the accident people argue whose fault it is. When in fact it is both parties fault due to impatience.

This snow storm is a blessing in disguise to make people think about how to spend their time in the house by themselves or with others.  Besides when was the last time every body spent their time at home without anywhere to go in a car.  Every body has to be on the move constantly because people get bored easily.  Spend time at home doing a hobby you loved as kid whether it was art, music, or writing to see what talent may be the end result.  Share it among others and gather up an audience.

Blessings happen every second of the day and we should all open our eyes to see whatever we can see.  The problem is it is easier to focus on the problems around us instead.  May be we all should think about how to see the solution rather than the problem (s)!

This is how other people on the Autism Spectrum can succeed just like me… Though there are some people on the Autism Spectrum who just have the most difficult time getting through the morning hours or even a whole day. Take one step at a time just like Jordin Sparks sang!


Thoughts on experiences in life and being filmed for a good cause

It all started in the beginning of April, 2008 at Grand Central Terminal in New York.  I had just finished my drama therapy session with Adaptations at the JCC Manhattan.  I hopped on the subway, by the time I got to Grand Central terminal; I immediately searched the time schedule for my trip back to Tarrytown.  I noticed I had to wait an hour for my train, so I decided to get myself Carrot Cake from Juniors. After I got my food, I went to sit down in Starbucks, but I didn’t know what to do because I couldn’t find a seat. A woman with many bags and a trench coat on the chair asks me if I want to sit down. I replied with hesitation, “Okay sure.” So, she moved her stuff for me.

My phone barely had a charge on it, and she was sitting right next to the area where I can plug in my phone with the charger. She asked me if I wanted to charge up my phone and I told her I needed to charge it up. She plugged in my charger as I held my phone in my hand, but assured me to leave it on the table. She guarded it for me with her life. I had an immediate feeling my life was going to change from this point on.

For a good 2 minutes we had said nothing more. After a few minutes more, I was observing her bags she had all around her and a book she was reading on ‘Miracles’. She was carrying around a lot stuff in her bags including instruments in which she told me she plays here every so often at particular times even though I never heard her play any of her instruments.

I started a conversation with this woman by first asking her what she was reading. She explained to me it was a book given to her as a gift by someone who appeared and then disappeared. We started talking about lots of different things, but I noticed she seemed a bit depressed. She had told me she was a psychic who had not been able to do much of anything lately not even be the medium she is intended to be. She was trained by the celebrity psychic John Edward. I can’t remember her name though.

An hour passed and my train left, but we were having a nice conversation about life, so I waited for the next train. As the next hour passed, she begins to reveal certain things about myself and my family. She tells me I am an Angel and I have helped her discover her psychic abilities once again. She began reading some of the spirits surrounding me. Like my late grandma’s mother-in-law Sophia, my middle name Scott is named for her. She told me Sophia was wishing me a happy birthday 2 months before my birthday because that is what the spirits do.   I had given her inspiration and she began feeling a lot better and happier. Every time she said something right, she slapped my hand five.

I had spoken to her for over 3 hours at Starbucks when I told her I really had to get back to Tarrytown to my car to drive to Rockland. She said it was a great honor to speak to me and this was an arranged meeting, but soon we shall meet again some other times in the future. I asked her when we will meet again, but she told me only G-d knows when and to take this for what it’s worth. As I left and started walking to my train, she rushed over, startled me, and began telling me one more thing which was very weird at the time. She had told me first something big yet small was going to happen to me in the fall/winter where I would require having surgery…

All of a sudden starting Monday I saw my friend Leticia from Puerto Rico at work again who taught me Echo. On Thursday, I had my poetry reading at the JCC Manhattan which went well. On Friday, I get a call from ABC NEWS the next day about the On Call Plus Autism site. A month later, ABC NEWS comes to my work place to initiate the pictures of me at work and to do a verbal interview with me.  My boss had no problem allowing media to come in because like a lot of people tell me he likes me a lot.  At the end of the month of May, I am accepted in to the Autism Hub. In mid June, I get a call from my therapist about whether or not I would want to be filmed for an upcoming PBS special from NOVA. I instantly said I would because I wanted to help society in whatever way I can. He told me he asked me because I am one of the successful people with Asperger Syndrome who is working in a mainstream job. I started piecing together my true nature.

Many things began to happen which I could not believe. First, the producer Alexis called me up to make an appointment to meet with me. We decided to meet on a Wednesday when I am in Inwood where my work is. I waited by the A train for Alexis to finally meet with me after we had spoken on the phone. I had gotten a bite to eat at Pizza Haven off 207 street next to Dunkin Donuts when she finally came out of the A train. I saw Alexis, introduced myself, and we began walking toward Inwood Park to chat about the project. We met for over 3 hours where she told me everything about the NOVA project. I opened up about my life to her about Asperger Syndrome, Autism, and many other things. As we were talking in Inwood Park, it began to rain so we moved to the lobby of the office I work in on 207 and Broadway continuing our talk. (207 and Broadway is next door to the Dykman Farmhouse Museum) After we spoke, she walked me back to my car and told me we would be in touch.

A few days later, she had spoken to my mom already and the team at NOVA decided to choose to film me. It was extraordinary opportunity for me to become an asset to the world and help other people on the Autism Spectrum. In addition, it really in many ways helped out my family as well become closer and to build more positive experiences in our lives.

The filming began in August, after Alexis met with my mother and I at home in July. It was a flash of genius upon G-d to make this all happen. The filming felt good and I felt the special qualities inside me were finally coming out to show the world. I spoke for what it seemed endless. I met practically her whole team especially Jesse and Kyle. I was talking to the whole team in between filming about different things in life and about the film industry. One person I really seemed to like to talk to was Eddie who was one of the camera crew. He and I spoke about the French new wave movie Rififi.

The NOVA crew even came to my work to film me there as well. Every one at work including my boss didn’t know what to expect, but seemed to be curious. I hope it made my work environment understand more about Autism and Aspergers especially since ABC NEWS came in to the office in May.  My boss was very cooperative and allowed PBS to come in to the office in September 2008.  They filmed me with many other situations as well and every body will see it Monday night.

I had not thought of the psychic since I met her in April and when I got on the train back to Tarrytown that day, I just forgot about her until October 2008. In October 2008, I had a surge of panic because my arm became numb, my back began hurting me, and I began feeling very cold as if it were freezing in the dead night of the north pole.  I sensed a spiritual feeling every time I stood still, so I kept on moving my body, and eventually stayed in my room.  That night became a night of hell for me.  My blood pressure rose well above 200/170 which is when I took my blood pressure to see why I was feeling out of sorts. During the night I had not complained about it, whined, or said anything about how I was feeling in my body. I lied on my bed wondering when it will all be over. I was up until 5:46 AM when I finally slept and hour and a half.

I felt very weird during the night when my blood pressure was extremely high and didn’t know what was happening if I was having a spiritual moment (because at that point I started to remember the psychic) or if I was just panicking about something. My breathing was very shallow and I felt very cold in a hot room. I felt like I was in the North Pole where it was below freezing. At that point it was October and only about 55 degrees at night. I couldn’t talk, scream, or push anything. I felt paralyzed the whole night. I also noticed a bright white light outside my window.  I remember just before I felt paralyzed, I turned over and cried in my pillow wishing every one I ever knew a good life.  I felt like I was dying.  I noticed my arms crossing over my chest as if I was ready to die, but then my arms began to cross over my stomach instead. When I finally fell asleep, I felt good.

When I woke up after a rough night, I told my parents who immediately told me to call my cardiologist who could not be reached at the time, so I called the cardiologist I work for on his cell phone. He instantly picked up right away and told me to go to the ER. I wound up going to Columbia Presbyterian Emergency room as my parents drove me there. See, Rockland County hospitals are not the greatest hospitals and my family always had bad experiences in Rockland hospitals. I have seen a cardiologist at Columbia since 1999 when I found out from a Neurologist in Mount Kisco about a murmur he heard which wound up being an Aneurysm near my heart.

Columbia ER was surprisingly empty for the morning and the nurses took me in right away. I was there the whole day because they assessed me, took blood, an X-ray, and had me have a CT with Contrast of my whole Aorta to rule out dissection of the Aorta. At night time in the ER, the CT results came back and they said my Aorta was fine. The doctors told me to chill out.

The next day at work I get a call back from my doctors at Columbia telling me on the phone, they need for me to come in for more tests. They had found a mass and cysts on my pancreas. At first, they said it was nothing to worry about. Like any body would do, they begin to worry, and I began to worry. My life began to turn upside down. I knew I was getting filmed with PBS NOVA and the ABC Autism site was coming out shortly (Just after President Obama got elected), but I was scared. Adaptations was going through a rough time period so I counted on speaking to my therapist instead.

I had gotten multiple Endoscopy-Ultrasounds at Columbia to get it right because the first 2 times Columbia doctors didn’t get it right.  The final time I had the E-US, they were finally very thorough because Dr. John Allendorf the general surgeon to help me ordered the test again.  I waited a month later, when Dr.  Allendorf from the Pancreas Center at Columbia performed my surgery on December 30, 2008.

In the midst of all of this medical stuff in my life, PBS NOVA crew kept on telling me how wonderful I was doing on film. They said I was like a natural. I told them it must have been because I was in a Drama therapy group on Sundays at Adaptations. They just thought I was a natural to do this anyway and had nothing to do with drama therapy.

A year ago today, I was in the hospital still recuperating, but every one told me I was doing great. Some people who came to see me thought they were going to see a train wreck, but instead saw a miracle. I had gotten many gifts and cards from friends and family as well as support from the NOVA team.

When the ABC site came up in November 2008, I felt it was the beginning, but I knew something more is going to happen for me. I needed to help the world; my family, I, and every one else. I needed the world to sense that I am  a good person and by proving this I feel I helped a struggling psychic regain her strength to give insight to others. She was the catalyst who proved my inner nature to inspire people.

G-d created my innermost self to this world because the world needs heroes. I don’t really consider myself a hero, but I do consider myself lucky. Although heroes are needed in this world now especially the fact every body is feeling down and negative because of the economy. We need to stop all of this negativity NOW! Every body needs to find their calling from inspiration.

The filming became clear what I was meant to do. I needed to make my part in the show clearly a positive unique heroic vision. I am here to prove to the world, with concentration, dedication, and much needed help, a person on the Autism Spectrum can succeed.

The last part of the filming was just before the summer of 2009 where they filmed me alone with my mother. Once the summer passed by, many people were very sad by dark negative things happening in the world.  Things just so happen to come around just in the nick of time to help us out.

My experience with the filming of this latest project called This Emotional Life has been historic. It has also been a crazy journey since I met the psychic. In February, I serendipitously saw the psychic again who happened to thank me because she had been a medium for a lot of other different people who have been coming up to her for help since she met me. She was praying to see me again just to thank me. I happened to have been with my friend Manny that day, but just as he left, she again told me I am an Angel. I took it as if I am just a very good person willing to help. I believe my life will continue to shine even brighter than it ever has since the day I met her.

The psychic paints a lot on her trench coat and bags. Last time I saw her in February, she showed me her picture from the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times in Bryant Park which she kept in her bag. She considered me a good friend and I appreciated it. She even took a picture of me with her phone just so she can remember what I look like. It is a friendship I developed because I saw a good person who needed help. She felt I was an inspiration to her.

I realized another gift I have when I met with her afterward. It can help me realize someone’s emotions without noticing body language or facial expressions which I can not read. It is much deeper technique, but I noticed it only occurs when I feel relaxed. Every thing seems to happen for a reason… It seems like people are always right when they tell me to let things happen serendipitously and live each day to the fullest!

The PBS special This Emotional Life comes out on January 4 at 9pm on PBS and PBS HD. I hope a lot of people get to see this show in its entirety not just my part on January 4, but also on January 5 and 6 at 9pm.

Thank you every body for reading and supporting Drivemomcrazy.com (DMC). I am very grateful for the many gifts I have to be able to help a struggling psychic who became a friend, the gifts given to me at birth and throughout my life.

I know I truly am a Blessed Celebration.

posting soon enough and be sure to check out the show in its entirety since as it will help you in more ways than one. 🙂

Coincidences happen for a reason because they truly are God WINKS!!!

posting soon enough the fiction story Gregarious Revolution! To my loving family, we will have a great year!