Tag Archives: belief

A Poem Called “History”


by theamazinj

History says,
stop and think,
history says,
go ahead and review,
history says,
forget and forgive,
history says,
history says,
we are neurodivergent
unless we claim to be neurotypical
from the social construction.
Whether Neurotypical or claiming Neurodivergence,
we are here or we are there,
we are sad or we are happy,
we are gone or we are forgotten,
we are staying or we are leaving.
Every day is history,
every year is history
every day we remember not repeat history,
from pre-history days to historical views,
from the day we end it to the day we begin,
from what we hate to what we love,
every day is a good day of extenuating circumstances,
love or be loved, hate or be hated,
everyone loves yet everyone hates at the same time.
Do we go?
Do we let loose?
do we win? or, do we lose?
do we just let go?
Communicate to let go,
leave to let go,
stay to let go,
drive to let go,
roll to let go,
spin in circles to release everything,
release the tension,
release the bitterness,
release the anger,
release the love deep in your heart.
Everywhere we go,
everywhere we attend,
wherever we enter,
whatever we exit,
go and be seen,
include yourself in what you want,
exclude what you do not like,
saying it will be heard later,
without feeling guilty for doing that.
Sometimes we are hurt,
sometimes we feel situated in our brain with ease,
building our mind with knowledge,
creatively discovering who and what we are,
inventing and reinventing until we become the person we are meant to be,
sometimes gone,
sometimes hurt,
sometimes we are longing for lust,
while longing for our hearts to be satisfied.
Feeling nature, experiencing everything around us,
and building who we are with
who we are with self-determination.
Sometimes it takes growth,
sometimes it takes seclusion,
sometimes it takes isolation,
while sometimes we need to live in solitude.
Some may say its loneliness,
when it really just is self-care, self-love, and self-worth.
Giving our identity to the world can be overwhelming,
giving every word every sentence and every picture,
exposes everything and pushes us to detach from the community.
We have our faith, we have our lion, we have our gopher, and once again,
we have our spirit in the winds,
no matter what we do,
it’s on us,
because it’s history,
it’s in our genes,
it’s in how we express those genes,
and it’s how we see the world through the social model,
through the way disability is a part of us all,
finally being the imperfect of who we are.
History: The story of our lives.
disabled or non-disabled,
accepting or just being in pain,
it’s time for the future,
for the future of history.

A Poem Called “From Self-Determination to Autonomy”

From Self-Determination to Autonomy,

by theamazinJ

It’s a choice,
we own it,
we take responsibility for those choices,
every situation, every decision we make, we own
from what we want to do every time, every day, and for every thing we want.
Every choice has consequences and dignity of risk,
every choice has rewards,
every choice is what makes us real,
every choice is what makes us learn,
every choice helps us grow,
alone with choices,
alone with what we have done every day,
alone with the idea of responsibility.
No one can control another no matter what
especially with any choice an individual citizen wants to make.
It’s called dignity of faith,
it’s called presuming competence,
and most importantly,
it’s called believing that the person can think on their own
without influencing them that they can’t.
Building the arts into the decision,
creating our own destiny,
building up our own self-direction independent from others
with the support from those who will support us
no matter what, and ignoring the backlash,
ignoring the people who don’t understand until they actually do.
Awareness is the first step for everyone in knowing what to do
and be aware of who we are,
giving dignity of respect for every citizen regardless of impairments,
the ability to understand who they are as a person,
learning about themselves, and understanding the world around them
from their points of view.
When we organize to form agency of thought in a congregation of governmental thought,
we do it to organize ideas, missions,
and knowing the best way to support each other without building walls surrounding each other.
Many thoughts go too deep, many thoughts think too closely to the status quo,
and some thoughts think outside the box.
A citizen means everyone who lives in a state, a country, together united as one,
a citizen listens to other citizens and understands what everyone goes through,
because it is about autonomy which leads to interdependence which leads to self-determination
into a self-directed goal.
Many people don’t understand what autonomy does for any citizen,
and may think autonomy is not having supports.
Interdependence is about autonomically having a direction the citizen wants
with whatever works for that citizen and the supports that citizen gets,
the importance from self-determination to autonomy.
Because in the end,
it’s not only believing in ourselves,
it is believing in the citizens that reside where we are, where we live, and what we are doing,
believing in every citizen from around the world, disabled or not,
to grow, to find what works for them, to be educated, and to build support around that.
That’s what self-determination and autonomy really is!

A Poem called “Building Bridges”

Building Bridges,

by theamazinJ

I am cool,
I am a man,
I am a person,
I am open minded,
I help everyone regardless of impairments,
I have impairments too,
I am disabled,
I am able,
I have my strengths,
I have weaknesses,
I am human,
I am a person,
I am part of the largest minority group,
the disability community.
I am able,
I am disabled,
I am Jewish,
I am even a person of color,
Even when everyone is a person of color
with our many facets of our skin tone.
White or Black or other races
is just as much a false facade
just as much as disability is too,
because we all are human,
regardless of what tribes we fit in,
We strive for human rights,
we work toward our goals to
work for ourselves,
to work for our communities,
continue our destiny
regardless of our
skin colors and tones,
regardless of
what we believe,
regardless of
what kinds of impairments we have
and how profound they may be or actually are,
regardless of
who we love
or what are identity is,
or regardless of
how we love
and physically attain our
sexual desires with the consent we give,
because in the end,
we are all human,
we all love each other at times,
we all hate each other at times,
we all have anxiety to connect,
we all have anxiety generally,
sometimes severe or sometimes not,
we all need support from one another,
we all go through the same trials
every day of our lives
regardless of what
rewards or consequences we obtain,
we all continue the work what
we want to contribute to the world,
most importantly,
we all direct our own lives
to our own creative endeavors
the world benefits from
because in the end,
it is all about us,
it is all about you,
it is all about
the way we communicate and send our messages
to the world
that eventually become our legacy,
a spin on the world,
that becomes the reality we all want
to open the minds of everyone
to understand,
it is not about race,
it is not about religion,
it is not about our impairments
and what medicine says is a disability,
it is not about our genders,
it is not about our sexual desires,
It’s only about learning,
It’s only about using our minds
regardless of how we use it or think,
and regardless of how we cope with our environments
with our sensory systems and impairments,
because it’s all about being vulnerable
to our connections and to ourselves
and to our environments,
it’s all about being an individual
and it’s all about being mortal
in a world that only teaches us
to eventually move forward
to the utter existences
of thou and the experiences
of moving through the universe
never ever reaching one another
even when we all go as fast or faster
than the speed of light eventually moving on
in an aging universe in an ageless space
without an aging human body in an aging world
that is constantly learning
to open up to the imperfections
when we are in our aging bodies
I have, you have,
and how our societies are aging too
in a world that is constantly changing
even when we don’t understand the changes,
becoming afraid of the unknown circumstances
and being afraid of what happens every day
and being afraid of building connections
so we build walls instead,
but it does not have to be that way,
because finally, it’s the ending that gives us
a new beginning every step of the way,
from the life cycle we all endure.

A Poem called “Karma”


by theamazinJ

WE choose,
We stipulate,
we antagonize,
we pathologize,
we protagonize,
we hurt,
we heal,
we feel sad,
we feel happy,
we choose,
we choose faith,
we choose thou,
we choose to be a leader,
we choose to lead our own life,
we choose life,
we choose death,
we choose how to live,
Thou teaches us,
Thou allows us to choose,
we can perfect,
or, we can accept
and live life happily,
we can fix,
or, we can move forward
working with what we got,
it is a choice,
we get to choose
depending on what
is going on,
do we choose life?
do we choose death?
We vote for a leader
in a society,
we vote for what we want
in a leader.
If a leader leads we don’t want,
we feel disappointed,
we feel discouraged,
and we feel ashamed,
yet, as karma states:
we get what we give
and we take what we have given.
Sometimes a leader we don’t want
in a society,
is just part of the process
of karma.
WE need to think about what we’ve done,
we need to think about what we haven’t done,
and, if we don’t want that leader,
then we need to change our thinking
for more positive things
for a change of what we do
and for an apology for what we’ve all done,
thats brings in a leader we all don’t want now
because in the end,
we all really wanted that leader we
hate, we don’t like in a society,
and in order to fix a situation
of bad leadership is by
changing our thoughts
changing our mindset
and, changing our ways
to take responsibility
as thoughts become reality
to change things for the better,
to change things for the good,
and change from negative to positive.
It’s the only way to
not repeat history,
it’s the only way toward success,
and it’s the only thing toward being
happy and feeling good
toward what we do,
cause in the end,
it is us, only us,
we choose everything,
we are responsible for everything,
we responsibly choose all our leaders,
and we responsibly choose to fix or not,
but the only thing we can do is fix what
we think about life
no matter what,
so in the end,
thou wants us to change our thoughts,
thou wants us to break the walls down,
thou wants us to break the loop,
and, thou wants us to establish
continuity toward living
because otherwise we are dying
leaving the human race
toward an empty world
not filled with anything
but simple matter and grime,
so let’s begin to change our thoughts,
let’s begin to build the bridges,
let’s begin to move forward,
let’s begin to converse with everyone,
let’s begin to think we can change everything,
and, let’s begin to accept neurodiversity
in to our lives,
because in the end,
it’s all about us, not them,
and certainly not about thou.

A Poem Called “The Heart-Wrenching Responsibility Everyone Must Take “

The Heart-Wrenching Responsibility Everyone Must Take,

by theamazinJ

Everyone stole my trust,
Everyone stole my dignity,
Everyone played a game with me,
Everyone led me on,
Everyone influenced me,
Everyone influenced everyone who cares about me,
Everyone lied so much about what is really true,
as I gave my power away to too many people
for far too long,
and have taken it back
from a lot of pain I caused myself,
everyone denies everything
they ever said,
no one knows how to take responsibility
until it is the moment they really have to,
and that moment for me is now.
I take responsibility for listening,
I take responsibility for causing the pains of so many,
I take responsibility for choosing to allow everyone to rent space in my head,
as I kick everyone’s voices and ideas
out of my head and out of my mind
from my whole lifetime
to just be left with my thoughts
and no one else’s.
As I do what I want to do with my activism,
and as I apologize so dearly and sincerely to a great lot of people,
including to my family.
Everyone is a good person,
with their own envy,
and with their own anger.
Everyone took advantage of the situation
leading me to think everyone is
a soft spoken angel
who does no wrong.
The truth is, no one is an angel
and we are all growing to be angels
eventually when we cross over.
I caused pain from my anxiety that became so severe
that I triggered many people
that I made so many think about there past traumas,
and use all that to help me leave,
to help me get away to try to start a life on my own,
but it was not right,
it was not responsible,
and I needed to settle things
rather than run away like a mouse,
I needed to walk away like a man.
A man with my dreams, my vision for my future,
and do what I need to do for myself.
Though, wound up not good,
it created a devastating effect in my life,
causing tremendous pain,
even though it was an experience I had to experience,
while learning so much a long the way
taking in many gifts as well as tremendous pain
from the anxiety that led it all on,
it is true that ‘anxiety is a killer’
because it really truly is,
a person who lied to me
took advantage of me
as I am an Autistic person,
as I am a disabled person,
and too many people think he is right,
too many people think that his word is golden,
too many people think they are more like god,
however, they are only human,
and can lie, and lied too much,
leading me on, leading my family on,
and leading too many people on
for far too long still today,
for good reason though,
since this man who is human
and imperfect like anyone else,
thinks they are perfect,
thinks they do no wrong
even in this situation,
and never knows how to take responsibility.
I respected everyone for a long time,
I respected everyone and gave everyone power over me
my whole life,
even though I had the power all along
to take ownership of myself,
as I started finally to take my power back,
a while back,
to believe that
everything I know and everything I believe,
is not a facade, not a hoax,
and was never ‘scrambled’,
it is just my own thoughts and ideology,
as one person said: I take things literally
from things this person says to me,
even though, I take things literally
because I am Autistic
and that is part of what makes me whole,
and makes me a good person,
yet this person is jealous of me too.
as I have a lot of potential,
as I am becoming a leader,
as I am a leader,
as I lead my own life,
And, as I can subside the bleeding,
I can heal everything even everyone around me,
but it will take time,
a lot of precious time,
as I apologize to everyone
one by one,
as everyone I need to say something too,
and hope everyone can finally take responsibility too
and apologize to everyone they ever caused pain to
and denying everything,
and just acknowledging their responsibility too,
their identity, and their anger.
Some people are blind to their responsibility,
and some are blind to acknowledging their anger
from their own jealousy.
I just know the only person who
can take responsibility is myself,
the only person who can apologize
is myself,
and I cannot convince anyone
to take responsibility,
I cannot convince anyone
to apologize,
I can only convince myself.
so, in doing so,
I apologize,
I apologize for listening to everyone, but myself,
I sincerely apologize to everyone
who I caused pain to
from my anxiety
choosing to give in to my anxiety
from the way I felt,
from the way I chose to leave,
as I took it to an extreme,
and not relaxed my mind
so that I can think logically
and solve the issues I needed to,
logically in order,
because in the end, I do love everyone.
I am Autistic and I have so much potential,
I am Autistic and I am a human being,
and this was a setback,
a major setback
because of my anxiety.
I had been not generalizing situations,
and looked at specific things too much
that others took advantage of,
and those specific things made me upset
especially with my anxiety,
and I have grown as a person,
I have tremendous growth I have grown from,
as a disabled adult,
as a disabled activist, artist, and scholar,
and I have grown to become
the Adult I can teach my children one day
from the wife I choose some day to marry,
and some day I will be a great husband to that woman,
a some day I will be a great father
because I have learned a lot
to teach everything I learned in my life,
from the experience I needed to experience
to grow,
but first I need to do a lot more in my life
to further my career and skills,
and eventually find that special person
to complete me in my life,
to make it all happen the way I always wanted.
Because in my life, I care deeply,
I love so easily, and
easily give in to anxiety all too well,
that ruins relationships too easily
needing to remember that
everyone has agendas,
everyone is jealous,
and that we cannot trust so easily,
we have to critically analyze
what people say sometimes,
to come to our own conclusions,
remember everyone cares about us,
remembering everyone makes mistakes,
remembering when people con us,
and how much love we can give,
while we need to
be comfortable in our own skin,
take ownership in ourselves,
our identity,
the things we like,
the things we want to accomplish,
the things we are good at,
the things we are weak at,
the things we love about life,
remembering why we have a good life,
and take responsibility in everything we do,
because in the end,
it is the choices we make that matter,
that affect everything and everyone around us,
everything that happens is in our choices,
and we have to remember
to love thyself,
to embrace those who care about us,
to build community without creating walls
and without burning bridges with anyone;
because finally,
it is our life to live
for our own self-determination
in our own self-direction we want in our life,
and advocate for ourselves for what we want in our life,
without being jealous,
without feeling anxiety too much,
letting go of ourselves to reach our goals,
learning from other people,
learning how we can cope with anxiety,
and for that I do sincerely apologize
to everyone even if it is hard
to forgive me, I do sincerely
say “I am sorry”.