Anxiety is a Killer,

by theamazinJ

Anxiety is a killer,
I cringe,
I fall into its trap,
I feel paralyzed,
I feel like I cannot do anything more,
I feel like I cannot interact,
I feel too sensitive from it,
I feel like everyone hates me from it,
I feel no one believes me,
I feel like everyone thinks I am lying,
I feel like I can’t breathe and have asthma,
I feel like it makes me feel like I am in a shell,
Anxiety is a killer
both internally and with the community,
Anxiety is a killer
it can hurt me deeply
with all my relationships,
Anxiety is a killer,
it can make me feel all alone,
Anxiety is a killer,
it can easily isolate and frustrate me,
Anxiety is a killer,
and lead many to think I am crazy or psychotic or a worrier,
Anxiety is a killer,
because some assume to not presume competence in me,
Anxiety is a killer,
it can make everyone think I am not good enough for the world,
Anxiety is a killer,
it can lead too many people to think they need to baby me
or coddle me or stroke my ego or think that I can’t run my life,
even though I am very capable of running my own life,
Anxiety is a killer,
it ruins lives and tries very hard to do that,
Anxiety is a killer,
and I just need support to tell me:
I am not a liar,
I am not psychotic,
I am not crazy,
I can breathe easily,
I am not frustrated,
I am not going to isolate myself,
I am not angry,
I am not going to let it control me,
I am competent and very intelligent,
I am very happy and proud of myself,
I am well liked and loved by everyone,
I am able to run my own life and self-direct what I can do,
because of what I am doing right now and also telling anxiety to “Shut UP”.
Anxiety is a killer, but with medication and coping mechanisms,
I can tell it to “Shut Up” anytime and it listens,
without all of that,
I do feel overpowered,
without all that,
I do feel disempowered,
without all that,
I do feel unloved and not well liked
because the way anxiety makes me feel,
I have ruined relationships or ended it myself,
sometimes some relationships were worth ending,
Anxiety is a killer, but it does not have to be,
It can end a different way,
It does not have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy,
It does not have to be lying to me,
It does not have to be making me feel isolated,
It does not have to be leading everyone to stroke my ego
or have others try to run my life,
I am capable,
I am very competent to running my own life,
I am studying to better advocate
and change perceptions of the way the media
and the public think of disability
so that one day
everyone will know
and everyone will expect
disability to be accepted as a minority group
that is so large and vast
that it can affect everyone at some point
and, is part of humanity,
disability not only affects Autistics,
it can affect everyone and certainly does,
disability is wide and vast,
anxiety is one of the many,
but can be a killer,
it is just that anxiety needs to be controlled,
even though it is always there,
it is always a struggle to shut it down,
though anxiety is a killer
and, it is a part of life
to many varying degrees,
just when anxiety becomes a killer
is when it is in its most severe degree,
we just need support in guiding
our life to tell it once and for all
to “Shut Up”.
Anxiety is a killer,
and even now,
it is still a struggle
to stop it from saying shit every hour
that we all live.
So, no one can say anxiety is an excuse,
no one can say it is easy,
no one can say to ‘just relax’,
and, no one can say just be positive,
anxiety is a killer that
can be stopped
if people just listen,
and support the ones affected
to tell it to “Shut UP” all together
so that it will affect us lesser,
whenever anxiety stops someone in it’s tracks,
yet, anxiety is always there even in it’s smallest degree,
we just have to control it even
for many with lesser degrees of it,
it’s just always there no matter what,
and that’s that.