It is hard to cope with grievance while having Asperger Syndrome. I find myself doing things I don’t necessarily do all the time. I tend to take my mind off of the grievance and do something completely different even if my family doesn’t understand why I am not grieving with them. It is not that I don’t care, it’s not that I don’t want anything to do with it, it is just my way of coping. I realize my family of Neurotypicals and the rest of the world don’t do this. People grieve and show affection for one another. I do it, and it is my way. I move forward. I live my life and move on because life goes on. Sometimes I wondered in the past what it would be like to do everything exactly like my family wants me to, and I say to myself, “No, I like my way.” Other people tell me I have to adapt to Neurotypical way of thinking because it is right. Whose to say what is right and what is wrong anyway! The only being who knows this is watching over us right now.

I have been born because I give things to people and receive things back. We move forward and take with each experience a lesson learned. We try to maintain that lesson for the rest of our lives to use it in future endeavors and experiences.

I find Neurotypicals have the hardest time with grievance and they tend to look back too much. When they see me not doing the same thing, they get upset at me. I have learned as an Aspie/Autistic to have to give affection to a Neurotypical who needs it is very hard. I don’t want to deal with it, I never have wanted to.

I remember when my grandpa Dave died in 1990, I was laughing because I wanted to a different sense to people. I way that we need to move forward. I understand Neurotypicals don’t like this, they want to
reminence even when a person is sick and be by their loved ones side.

When a person is sick even gravely ill, grievance starts. Neurotypicals become very emotional and start crying. If they see an Aspie/Autistic like me not doing this, they become angry. I feel I need to start doing some things Neurotypicals do because I need to show them I care because I really do care. It is just my way of showing it. It may be subtle to them, but if they observe, they can see it.

Over the years I have learned to start crying myself as Neurotypicals do. Now I can see I start crying, but at the same time do the things I always have done during grievance. I need to compromise my way and the NT way of doing things to make myself happy and others. I am not the only one who needs to be happy.

One day in the future I will sit down and tell the experiences to youngsters of Autism Spectrum Disorders to help them through their life as well. In order for the youngsters not to make the same mistake twice. I love my family and do it in a way I like to do. I do understand though compromising is very important. I need to start to try to hug and kiss my mother the way she always wanted me to do even if it is my sensory overload which explodes inside me. I use to get much more sensory overload when I was younger. It is why in high school and junior high school, I ran from class to class not talking to any one. I only wanted to be alone in solitude.

Anyway, Neurotypicals which are the majority of the world right now don’t like solitude. They like affection and love being with pairs of people. I adapted to the situation as much as I could. Now I need to adapt to the biggest sensory overload ever, Touch. It is a challenge, but I need to do it.

posting later on,

OUT, J