Category Archives: Asperger Synrome/Autism

Accepting Changes in Our Life can be HARD, Let’s do it anyway!

I know that just because someone may be a very conservative or liberal or moderate, does not mean we can not have good communication with them. It really makes life more fun and interesting when we can talk to anyone regardless of how they are and differences they believe in. That’s part of neurodiversity. That’s acceptance and that’s a part of life. We need to accept everyone, everyone’s belief systems, everyone’s identities they have and what they choose for themselves, and accepting everyone’s self-determination of how they want to live their life.

It’s okay for someone to believe in the social model or the medical model, however, we can not tell a person how to live their life since that is not satisfying the requirements of being an individual. Individuality is important as we can not judge any one who decides on either model, on a particular identity, and/or a particular way they choose to live. We can not get angry, we can not get defensive, and we can not say we can not talk to any one who does not agree with us. We have to talk to people, because that is what neurodiversity is all about.

Neurodiversity activists and organizations are not really being very good activists as well as organizations like medical charity researchers and activists too who are also not being open with each other either. However, we all have to engage with each other without being stubborn, without being too hurtful, without being damned if we do or damned if we don’t, and carry on the wayward road moving forward. We need breakthrough with communication barriers that’s been going on for centuries even milleniums.

It does not matter if we disagree or agree. It does not matter if we agree or disagree with our President, agree or disagree with different philosophies or not, and even agree or disagree with the government we belong to or not. We have a government because that is what Americans (and humanity wanted all along) wanted back in 1700’s, so we need to accept that and move on as I hear how so many people seem distracted from their own belief systems and opinions. Our government is not perfect, but no one, thing, or situation is perfect either.

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people in our community which means we can not escape the interactions with people or situations every moment of every day. We can only thrive at using our communications as going with the flow without trying to be perfect. It overwhelms us to pretend perfectionism exists, but the more we stop trying the more we become perfect. Though, as I said perfectionism does not exist, it exists once we forget that it does exist. Remember nothing is impossible, we all are possible all the time.

While let alone, we can not escape stigmas, stereotypes, and the way other people think too as I talk to someone in the community about this who feels the same way. Sarcasm is hard for many to deal with especially myself who is Autistic, however, sarcasm is something that is supposed to be humor, sometimes dark, sometimes light, but sarcasm indeed. It’s okay not to get or be attuned with sarcasm right away because not everyone understands it. Although sarcasm is just a way of life for some people and part of neurodiversity too.

Neurodiversity is also partly that some people are developmentally delayed in various different ways. Some people don’t go through the different stages of adolescence at the same time as everyone else is supposed to from the way mainstream culture says so. However, we need to realize that everyone is different, everyone is able, and everyone can do whatever it takes to live their life constructively. By living constructively, no one can feel pitied, put down, hurt, stigmatized, stereotyped, and/or feel pain from others.

Neurodiversity can flourish by not allowing ourselves to do this to other people and be open to other people’s perspectives. No one can do things on their own because everyone needs a group to do it together. No organization is perfect either that helps Disabled people in the whole broader disability community including in Autistic culture to help Autistic people. However, we all need to learn together and encourage each other to love every one of our good points so we can cancel out the negatives of everyone we meet. This is how neurodiversity can flourish. So, accept changes and be the community of sharing and caring. Be a good role model for others and others will do good for you.

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Please like and share Autistic Community for Equality Facebook page as this is an initiative that can further grow acceptance, forgiveness, and being less judgmental among each other in the world. The initiative is in it’s infant stage, but we can thrive a lot more as it becomes a bigger part of humanity and the rest of the world. Animals help us thrive too, and we need to realize that we can’t define any one as a friend or an enemy as the people that we are, are constantly learning and building our own way of life. We can not hate, we can only love the incredible people in our communities.

Please check out this website too, AASPIRE (Academic Autistic Spectrum Partnership In Research and Education) which medical charity organizations can learn from as they continue move forward too.

Thank you and please understand the things we all need to do to be an community sharing, loving, and caring for one another. So, reach out and talk to any one you want to talk to. Don’t worry about disagreeing, don’t be stubborn, and think about how we can all be strong together as part of the Animal Kingdom subset called being Human. Everyone needs to open the door toward our successful communications with each other, besides communications is key.

Listen to this song Des’ree “You Gotta Be”:

“You Gotta Be” by Des’ree

Listen as your day unfolds, challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears, stand up and be counted
Don’t be ashamed to cry

You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Reading the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view, my oh my, heh, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

Don’t ask no questions, it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can’t stop it, if you try to
This time it’s danger staring you in the face

Remember, listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears, my oh my heh, hey, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
You gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
All I know, all I know, love will save the day


OUT, J

What Being a Self-Advocate means, and it’s Not Being Objectified

Inspiration Porn is when society objectifies Disabled people in the community like Autistic people have been objectified for the past 10 years especially by organizations like Autism Speaks. Inspiration porn is creating stigma by objectification because society thinks disability is shameful, that it is destructive, that is a tragedy, a burden, and a negative thing that should not exist. However, society is wrong!

Please watch Stella Young’s amazing video from last year. Every time I have seen this video since it first came out, to educate others has explained specifically why objectifying anyone is not good and not healthy for anyone in the human race.

Disability does exist, Disability will exist, Disability has existed since the dawn of time. Why? Because Disability is a part of the human experience and no one, I mean no one can take that away from anyone in this world especially when d/Disability is what makes us human. In addition, let’s get this straight, NO ONE is an inspiration to us all, because we all have to be motivated and work hard for ourselves by supporting and guiding each other.

Everyone has their own struggles in life, and that’s okay. Why? Because it’s part of our humanity to struggle to get to the peak where we will eventually ‘cross over and rise above’. However, we all have to get through our struggles until we have done our duties or missions completed.

If you try to find inspiration to inspire you to do something or be a someone, then you won’t be doing anything except looking around your whole life finding nothing. So, please do something with your life and stop looking for inspiration from others especially the disability community. Why? Because we are human too. We have our own struggles too, to get where we want to be at, and by any one trying to find inspiration from the outside world like from the disability community to make us look bad and everyone else look good is the real tragedy.  That’s why inspiration is travesty and the word should not exist since it causes pain.

Struggling is a part of life. We need to have fun with our life. That’s right, we all need to have fun. Everyone’s fun is different. Some people try different things before they find it like with me. Some people like myself are Disabled activists and scholars, some people are media analysts, some are investment bankers, some are artists, some are writers/journalists, some are politicians to help the government to create/enforce laws, some are lawyers, some are social workers (or help with mental health maintenance), mail clerks and drivers, landscape workers, sanitation workers, janitors, some are medical doctors, some are engineers, some are teachers, some are construction workers, etc. We all do whatever it takes to become the success we want to see in our life with the support network in the community or life we build for ourselves.Without the support network and without the motivation in ourselves to do well, we become lost in our efforts. However, it does not always have to be that way.

We all have struggles all our life. We all can stay in the disability community our whole life or walk in and out of the disability community at different parts of our life. I just don’t want any one to ever think disability is a tragedy because it really isn’t. Acquiring d/Disability from birth or from life, is a part of life’s journey. We all can become disabled at some point or become more disabled, and that’s okay. It’s okay if we have to use a wheelchair or any other assistive device or machine to help us live our life if you need it or if we want to feel more mainstream or not. It’s our personal choice!

It’s okay if you are feeling very obstinate or unsure of how disability helps us with gaining empathy we all struggle with. Empathy is a learned human trait for everyone in the world. Some are born with more empathy than others, but no one lacks empathy since we all have emotions that frustrate us at times.  Sometimes we may not realize that our empathy can be misleading sometimes when we struggle with discriminations and stigmas in our life which is ableism. Ableism is a problem for the world. There are millions of people in the world struggling with ableism right now. Some people may not even be aware of it, but  it is inside of them already especially when the person has been objectified in their life at some point or their whole life. I feel for those people who are struggling more from their ableism because society doesn’t understand their language and dialect.

Ableism is about objectifying people while this needs to stop. It is also a struggle when everyone who has been hurt by ableism and internalizes this stigma, the stereotypes, and even can become the oppressor after being oppressed since ableism is also like a virus. Ableism is not only a curse, but it’s the biggest oppression that confuses people into thinking they are not worthy and unable to do something unless they become an inspiration to become objectified by others.

Objectification or ‘Inspiration Porn’ exemplifies and manifests a person’s persona to make them something they are not. There are so many people who objectify others that it becomes really pathetic in our society, but it does not always have to be that way. Change means allowing yourself to guide others into their own self-determination to live their life with just encouraging people to do what they love to do just the way you do for yourself. No one is a random act of good because we all are good people who can do whatever we want to do to help others.

We just have to think about our own mission to help, how we can guide and support others, and know how to advocate for change in our society to think about why we can’t hurt others in any way. Life is a journey with emotions that does not mean we can say or do things to others to hurt them since that is not only ableism, but is also other forms of pain too, inflicted on others. People can be hurtful which is also a part of life, however, we need to know that what we do and say affects other people either instantly or over time. Over time, we all internalize the pain unless we start healing the pain(s).

So, let’s start healing the pains we all may have to become the person we all are meant to be with the guidance from the support network we are born into and choose from the billions of people in the world to be a part of it too. This is how ableism can heal from the pains we have all felt at some point, some a lot more than others especially those people struggling to ‘pass’ for society’s norm or standard of how to speak, think, feel, see, or hear.

Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions which means we all have the freedom to speak our mind respectfully and respecting others. No one can curse at, hurt, silence, or tell others that what they believe for themselves to contribute is bad. It’s not black and white ever (like  organizations like Autism Speaks suggests about autism), it’s all gray, and it always has been gray. There is good and bad in everything from the yin and the yang as long as we know what is good and what is bad, we can focus on the positive aspects of our life. Thus, focusing on the positive aspects of other people. Finally, becoming a contributing member of society from our own individual self-determination which is different for everyone in the world.

Some need more guidance, some need more support, though we all need mentorship to get through our life as we all fulfill our goals we want to achieve. That’s not inspiration, that’s just doing what it takes to be a success in what all of us want individually. Part of what having support is, is motivating our family members and peers who come in contact with to move forward with what we want.

Struggling to achieve something can be difficult, but not impossible. Impossible does not exist. The very word means ‘I’m Possible’ and we can’t let anyone take that dignity away from us. We know who we are and what we want regardless of what are identities are by identifying how we want to for ourselves. As an Autistic person and a part of the broader disability community, I have understood that disabilities helps us live our life better by embracing our own humanity.

No one can tell us who, what, and how we are to live our life. We are gift in this world. If we unwrap the gift with taking in negativity from the outside world, we become negative. Otherwise if we unwrap ourselves with positive feelings on how to help the world, we become the most positive force the world has ever seen embracing and celebrating life in of itself.

I struggle, you struggle, we all struggle with something we need. Some of us struggle more than others, but that just means they need more guidance and support. Since we all live our life with struggles, it just means, that once we need to figure out how to use our skills, our talents, and our strengths to do what we feel will help the world is when we can we feel our own humanity. Sometimes this is very small, sometimes very big, and/or sometimes it can just be teaching ourselves to become  a contributing member of society who positively affects everyone. We all are here to motivate each other to do well, not be jealous of any one.

We live our life positively, but most importantly, we live our life to do whatever we can to reach out and touch our spirit. If you can’t find yourself, if you don’t know what it is that you need to do, and you want other people to feel inspired by you saying your life is better than theirs (or vice versa), than you are wasting your life.

Please don’t waste your life trying to find this thing called inspiration especially from my fellow Autistic peers and any one else from the disability community. By calling us inspirations, you are also saying that your life has always been better than ours. The medical model suggests that the only way we become inspirations is by overcoming a burden or tragedy within ourselves to become an inspiration for others. However, this is a travesty and a false belief system that we don’t need to hear or see.

Inspiration is taking what others say as face value without thinking of yours or their own life because of the way the mainstream media and the masses objectify so many people including people in the disability community. The use of the phrase ‘Inspiration porn’ is to say that objectifying anyone the media wants to ‘use’, ‘stigmatize’, painfully stereotype, and dispose of later after the mainstream media has had enough of the person is hurtful. The media as a whole needs to change their way of thinking, how they think about humanity, and stop personalizing one’s own life of struggle as a tragedy that a person’s overcame to become a human being. We all our human beings from birth. Humanity means struggling to live our whole life through emotions we all have while finding our authentic voice and self to fulfill our greatest mission to do what we love to do. That’s what I’ve always known and was taught.

Do you want to try to find inspiration or do you want to do what it takes to live your life they way you always wanted it to help others? Humanity is about helping ourselves while helping others.

We need our own tenacity to work hard toward living our life, building our experience in life the way we want  to without anyone else trying to live it for us or will live it for us or even mimic other people’s lives.  I’ll tell you this that by trying to imitate other people’s lives, people won’t be their true authentic self. That’s why if we become obsessed with inspiration, we no longer know how to live our life. Please don’t do that! I want all of you to live your life and work hard for who you all are in this world.

There are billions of people in the world. From the billions of people in the world, that’s one big support network to help each other work independently for our own self-determination which means striving for whatever positive contributing factors we want to live our life.  We can all be supportive while guiding ourselves in our life through thick and thin. If someone is struggling, they need to think about getting back on track while if someone is struggling a lot they need you to lead them more with guidance.

Getting back on track is not inspiration, it’s just life. We all fall back into situations where we need to get back on our feet, however, that does not mean we look for someone else for inspiration, it just means we have to push ourselves to live do whatever it takes to get back on our feet with whoever is supporting and guiding us. Remember, there is always someone who can guide you, any one just has to ask, as a self-advocate.

Life is not about inspiration, it’s about self-advocacy and helping others achieve that self-advocacy!

Thank you all!

Be that change,

and heal the world!

OUT, J

My “Dream that Turned Into Reality”

The History toward achieving my self-determination

(IRI) Independence Residence, Inc. (the IRI facebook page is here and twitter is here too : IRI and their youtube page is here: IRI) is a non-profit agency that works to help establish connections and better relationships for people with developmental disabilities and other disabilities to be self-actualized, committed to fulfilling independence, guiding the people they serve, and creating connections to last for a lifetime. This is what IRI does because they really care and are simply the best agency in the New York City region.

I started at IRI back in 2013 as a mentor/self-advocacy liaison as I continuously work to strive to positively impact the individuals that are served by the agency. Before I started at IRI, I always knew what I wanted to do, but was afraid to go about it. IRI gave me this opportunity as a gift that has allowed me to embark on my journey toward not only self-discovery, but a journey at helping others in the disability community find themselves and their voice.

Self-Advocacy is an important factor that helps people know who they are by identifying the way any one feels comfortable, learning to speak up, knowing their civil rights, learning what taking responsibilities means in their daily lives, helping our friends speak up when they are worn out or overloaded, and incorporating every aspect of their life by giving to the world the gift of self-actualization.

My work at IRI started out in this way especially when I started working with about 6 to 7 of their self-advocacy groups late in 2013 to teach self-advocacy, self-determination, and living an independent life. I have done so much for them so far including creating presentations, creating my self-advocacy board game, using my muppet “Max” (non-binary gender, multi-sensory, Autistic, 85 years old, Max is non-binary gender in appreciation of those friends who really are non-binary gender) from December 2010 when I bought them at Columbus Circle. I continuously build connections with not only all the individuals who are my peers, but with the staff who I can say are my peers too in the broader community.

I have earned their respect. I have helped in so many ways including the way they thought about re-writing a vision, mission, and values statements for their organization. I brought them to the next level of being able to guide the individuals they serve toward the person’s with disabilities self-determination.

Now I have self-direction services in which they were part of the help toward me achieving this for myself as I help their individuals. Although, my self-direction services is through Westchester Institute of Human Development, ARC of Rockland, and my 13 people and growing of my circle of support I create for myself.

What is self-determination?

Well, self-determination means something different for everyone. That’s the beauty of self-determination is that it is a definition that changes for each person’s own individuality. Some people need a balance of the medical model and social model while others need solely the social model of disability. Social model of disability is obviously the not so stigmatizing model. The social model is good for everyone to understand that they have a choice of whatever is good for them. This is what is called ‘person centered’ approach.

Social Model vs. Medical model

The medical model is not and never is ‘person centered’ because it states that the person is the problem and needs to be fixed or eradicated from society. It also is stigmatizing in many other ways by saying that the person is not human and a burden unless they conform or fix their ways to be like the mainstream ‘status quo’ of the society the individual belongs to.

Conforming can be in the way people move, make eye contact, quiet hands, or even speak with the same language as the masses do. The ‘status quo’ is not necessarily bad, it just means that everyone is standardizing the approach to communication, language, movement, hearing, sight, touch, and expressing oneself in the world. This is why the social model of disability is better!

Is this right or wrong? Well, it depends on what an individual wants from their life. Some people are fascinated with the status quo. But, what does the status quo even mean? What does it mean to be mainstream?

Communication is Key!

Some people or most people in society, expect immediate responses to their communication in an impromptu response through speaking through the mouth. However, any one who speaks too deviant from however the status quo mainstream people speak, is often shunned, ostracized, silenced, placed in institutions, and/or written off as not even human due to being seen as bad people by much of society. This is the reason why mainstream society and the majority individual non-disabled citizens of the world strive for perfection with their black and white thinking of what they deem the ‘perfect’ human being. This is not right, not fair, and does not allow diversity to thrive in the world.

Everyone is different and societies in this world need to remember diversity matters rather than pretending it does. Differences is what makes us human no matter who we are and what we do to achieve our successes in the world. If you meet one human being, you’ve only met one human being.

Appreciating and grateful for my connections I make and my family

IRI, CUNY SPS, JCC in Manhattan, ASAN, my connections I made from CAFETY, SANYS, the many peers I have met through the years especially since 2013, and of course my wonderful loving family have all helped and continuously help me in so many ways.

I have created an amazing network of people I can say I know and cherish every moment of my life as an amazing creative story that I make for myself. If it wasn’t for these people I have in my life, I would not been given a chance to embark on my own self-determination. Not only that I am now able to build my goal of finally becoming the person I always wanted to be. Ultimately, finding my voice and self even though it’s hard when being influenced by so many people I talk with in my interactions in the community. And, these people help find and give me my voice!

Detaching from other people’s conclusions to finding my Authentic Self

It’s difficult to detach from other people’s conclusions when I have thousands of people’s conclusions in my mind that confuses me. I am learning to detach each and every conclusion to formulate my own personal conclusions without forgetting any of these people either (meditation is the perfect grounding point for me). Everyone’s story and conclusions is important and unique to them. Though, my voice and authentic self is what counts to what I want for myself and what is good for me, nothing more. That is my self-determination!


“Turning Dreams Into Reality”

Happy Autism Acceptance Month that begins in 24 hours as April begins. Thank you for everything from everyone who helps me especially my family! It is my life now and what I want to do finally and guess what, I have not only my family supporting me, but so many others as well.

Emotions roll over us all the time, but it’s just a matter of staying a positive force in the world to become the wonderful person that we are with the spirit that lies within us…

Love is wonderful thing!

Now, listen to this song: (Almost Paradise by Mike Reno)

OUT, J

Struggling to Communicate with People my Whole Life

Communication is key!!

However, I have been struggling to communicate with people my whole life from speech difficulties, being Autistic (not being a mainstream general person), and living my life as a person who cannot understand the jargon most people including my family tries to convey to me. This is when self-advocacy becomes important especially when I need my space too, understanding other people’s words spoken to me, and knowing when to communicate with or without my mouth.

Communication is key!!

But, my communication style has always been a struggle for others to understand. I do have echolalia, I do have multi-sensory issues, I do stim, I do think visually, and I love listening to people through music and I do love to dance like my papa Dave did!

Communication is key!!

Struggling to communicate is improper with people who struggle because everyone needs to interact and speak in a standard way through vocalizing thoughts through the mouth from mainstream society.

What can we do? What are we able to communicate to others when there is a disconnect especially with families and their Autistic children and siblings?

Connection is good, however when there is too much disconnect between families and their Autistic children or siblings, there needs to be a meeting point of each other to meet half way. By meeting halfway, we need to communicate by seeing each other at the right distance without seeing too far or too close. This is a problem for all families of Disabled people and Disabled people themselves.

Communication is key and the social model is much better when the medical model has caused so much pain and stigma!!

When can communication become the right when all of us who need to connect with each other? When can we understand and accept each other regardless???

Language is individualized for each person. Self-determination is important for everyone while the importance of connection continues through learning from each other, learning on our own, and not being dependent on the system being medical model or stigmatizations society give us.

This is all the things to think about as when we need acceptance and understanding during the month of April for Autism Acceptance Month.

Remember communication is a two way street of understanding each other without getting too stressed, too angry, too overreaction, or too hurt from pain causing other’s too much pain too. I have felt pain in my past, but now it’s time to move forward and be happy as I remember the very need to maintain myself to continue to be positive!

Love my family, love all my friends, love all my support network, and love the world.

Thank you all!!!

Communication is KEY!!!

Doing well in graduate school!!!!

OUT, J

The Importance of living a Self-Determined Life

Self-determined language is very important for any one to know that any one can identify themselves the way any one feels comfortable with. Self-determination is also a way to be involved with our own life, our own feelings, our own conversations about us, and not involved with anything any one influences us about.

Emotional abuse can hurt a lot when people turn to us when saying or referring to our way of being as if we are not even human or we need to take medications to pass for a particular specific person’s individuality. This does not allow us to be our own individualistic self. Though, sometimes some people need to take medications regardless because of the ableism or emotional abuses affected by the way life immensely becomes too overwhelming. When this happens, any of us can become very anxious and seem disturbed since we are seen as being out of control. However, society creates this in individuals from the standards of a general normal that they want everyone to pass as.

We need to just live our life through the way of who we are, what we individually believe about who we are, and what we feel about our own life. This allows us to know that our life is what we want self-determinedly.

What we feel and what we do, is only a part of our being. When we move forward, we bring on not only what we want in our present situation, we bring on the past life we have lived too as a continuous spectrum of time and diversity in the human race.

We need to Remember our mission through what we are here for by what we can do for ourselves. The community needs to always remember the identities we all want for ourselves individually as part of self determination.

As an Autistic who also is very different from the general mainstream norm, society needs to understand that individuals are really individualistic as part of what makes us a part of the human race. The human race is exceptionally individualistic which is so diverse, so unique, so simple yet complex, so continuous though building on each other like legos, and everyone really is a spectrum of who everyone really can be. As an individual person, if we meet one human being we’ve have only met one human being.

While any one lives on this planet today, we can all think it’s hell or heaven depending on our experiences with our feelings while being involved with family, friends, and the broader world community. It depends on the feelings now that we feel before our body becomes too old; thinking of negative or positive feelings that determines our destiny. That’s what makes up heaven!

Everyone has their own spirit and their own feelings for our own space (or boundaries) to protect our own self of how we were first created in the world. This way, no one could ever feel like they can barge through who we are and our identity. The many things we built up for ourselves, makes up our own life in the world that we want to contribute to, to become the person we are destined to become.

Sometimes it takes a long time (as it did for me and for others) to think about the things we are destined for as we become way too influenced in our life to think of ourselves. Humanity is beautiful. It does not have to be too stressful, anxiety provoking, or even a way to pass for someone else’s normal. It’s who we are, what we want, and how we want to live it.

Self-determination is what builds our life now for even the future of our own
self-determination. It’s our own choice and no one else’s. We decide through our own spirituality of what makes us human, but ultimately what makes us a part of the universe.

If we make or give good, we get or receive good back!

Let’s make it a good life 😄

Love to my family, friends, and the broader world communities,


TheamazinJ