I am vulnerable
just the way you are.
I am insecure
when my safety is of concern.
I am unsure of myself when
I am always wanting to be liked,
and everyone takes advantage of that.
I am a victim of bullies and abusers,
throughout my whole life by various people in various situations.
I am a very likable person,
and everyone do love me very much.
I am easily taken advantage of,
by how I am wanting to be liked.
I have become an activist,
and know when to say yes and when to say no.
I know what choices I want every time all the time,
and everyone tries to pull me into their choices and ideas.
There is a difference between activism and self-advocacy,
and there is a struggle between the two.
The vulnerable qualities of being an activist is,
not being able to work with everyone ultimately working alone.
The vulnerable qualities of being a self-advocate is,
being told we don’t know as much as non-disabled people and being patronized.
The vulnerability we have from our disabled peers
no matter what part of the disability community,
not being respected for a voice independent from the rest of the crowd
and being ostracized for having that voice.
The vulnerability of the autistic community is,
being a shell being pushed around by every organization
that already exists.
The vulnerability of what we believe is,
changed to what many others believe within any organization.
The vulnerability of our mind and what we think,
is changed by what anyone thinks.
The vulnerability of denying the thoughts changed by someone else,
is the vulnerability of being liked by who you want to be liked by.
The vulnerability of anyone spinning a thought to a conspiracy theory or lie,
only makes us even more vulnerable and scared.
These vulnerabilities make all of us feel scared, crazy, or less than others,
but not everyone is liked by everyone and not everyone can understand each other.
Vulnerable states we are all in everyday,
create in-fighting within our minds and out-fighting between other people.
Everyone thinks they may be thinking their own thoughts,
when everyone is only thinking of what the previous person thought to them.
The vulnerable states we are in everyday,
give us a sense of reaction to be in solace,
to give what we have without expecting a reaction,
without expecting a positive or negative opinion,
and without expecting many to relate or be consumed by
what we put out there.
The vulnerable state we are in everyday,
is expected and must be accepted.
No one can control what others think nor what others say,
no one can really control anyone,
and feeling controlled is being in a state of fear.
We cannot fear what we cannot control,
We can control our own fear,
and once we control our fear,
we become less and less vulnerable to others
and more and more vulnerable as an activist
without getting involved with any one’s thoughts
and without getting involved with any organization.
Because in the end,
an organization becomes organized
from the vulnerability and fears many people have,
how many people want to belong,
how many people fear being alone,
and how any organization uses that fear against us.
The real result we want is,
having our own voice regardless of anyone else
and not allowing our voice be manipulated and controlled
by any organization or person.
The less we fear from anyone,
the more we become vulnerable to ourselves
as an activist.