A Poem of Apologies


by theamazinJ

I hurt,
I hurt a lot,
I give pain,
I give pain a lot,
I gave pain,
I gave pain a lot,
I trigger,
I trigger pain a lot,
I feel pain,
from the hurt
I have felt
all my life.
From that pain,
I have made everyone
feel that pain and more,
it is not sad,
it is not a tragedy,
it is just an apology.
My spoons felt low
for far too long
my feelings that hurt
made everyone feel pain.
I sat in the corner
one day all by myself,
wondering what I have done.
I hurt,
I hurt a lot,
I gave pain,
I gave pain a lot,
the pain was emotional,
and very hurtful
to everyone around me.
The emotions swirling,
the emotions reeling,
and everyone’s
emotions feel angrier
and angrier and angrier.
I could not stand
the pain I was always feeling
from many people around me
in the past,
so I used the pain
I was given from everyone
used it against them.
This is not fair
this is not justice
this is not justified.
I do feel stigmatized,
I do feel stereotyped,
I do feel oppressions,
I do feel the Autistic community
doing the same things that
I and them feel all the time
and doing it to each other
all the time to this day.
does feeling pain mean we need to hurt each other back?
does feeling pain mean we are justified as tragedies and burdens?
Pain from the way society makes many individuals feel
Pain from the way we all hurt each other
every day of our lives.
Acceptance means also accepting the pain,
accepting the grief,
accepting the way everyone interacts.
We do not need to make others feel bad
because everyone experiences life differently,
but we also learn that
neurodiversity is
accepting our pain,
accepting everyone’s pain,
accepting the way we are and interact,
accepting everyone’s nuisances
and idiosyncrasies,
and whoever everyone wants to love
with their family, their friends,and romances,
and what everyone chooses in their life,
and ways everyone interacts,
accepting the love everyone gives everyone
accepting that everyone does not like
everyone’s thoughts and voices
all the time.
We debate,
we converse,
we share,
we help each other,
we never can yell at any one,
we can never talk badly about others,
no matter how much pain we feel from a person,
we open our minds to
everyone’s thoughts
and most importantly,
we support everyone
with our thoughts
with our dreams
with whatever we want to pursue
to help the communities
in our society,
we support everyone’s
voices, vocations, interests,
and make everyone’s dreams come true.
I learned a lot through the years,
some that I just want to forget
that caused me pain that eventually hurt everyone,
some that I will always remember,
some that I will teach myself,
some that I will cherish,
some that I cannot forget,
but will learn to tweak to make good,
all of that, I will always remember.
My apologies to everyone
who I have touched
My apologies to everyone
who hopefully
will listen and understand,
and who will learn the responsibility
I am taking.
Neurodiversity is taking responsibility
to each other,
for everything we say and do,
for the way we all think,
for the way we individually speak,
for the way we all want for our individual futures,
and the way we all accept each other
regardless of
who we are that makes up our individual identity,
what we want in our life,
what we need to live our life
How we can all help each other
improve how we execute our ideas and creativity.
This is the responsibility I am taking,
this is the responsibility we all are and need to be taking everyday,
and this is what we all need to learn
everyday to move forward and pay it forward.
I am sorry, I am deeply sorry to everyone.
Thank you.

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