Tag Archives: relationships

A Poem Called “From Being You to Being Me”

(Trigger Warning: This poem (as well as the compositions I have done in the past) are intentionally left with certain mistakes to show disability. Be mindful when reading this post and any other posts.)

From Being You to Being Me,

by theamazinJ

The struggle to find identity in the world is a battle
fighting cause we’re different or odd,
cause the status quo wants us
the way many want us to be,
the way many bully get bullied,
the way too many make assumptions and presumptions
from the way we look, the way we move, the way we communicate, and the way we express ourselves
with everyone around us.
Too many people don’t understand each other
causing the pain and insecurity too many people face every day
in the communities we have always known since growing up.
the pain hurts, the pain allows us to be afraid, and allows us to be angry,
The anger gets expressed in different ways
in different reactions to power and control,
some try to express their anger by building it up until there is an episode,
an episode of fight, an episode of flight no matter how they flee,
fleeing by doing something extreme in their own way
or by allowing the community to do something extreme to them,
in a destructive way either within themselves or expressing it openly,
by including others in that anger or by excluding.
the pain can hurt,
the pain can hurt really really badly,
trying to develop into the person we really want to be,
and ultimately can’t when too many people all our life
bully us in too many ways
so that they can tokenize us to the way they want us,
and the agenda everyone wants to bully for the control.
The control to tokenize, the power to euthanize
either literally or abstractly,
the power to re-create or re-structure a person
because no one likes and appreciates the person,
while the victim either survives the pain to form their identity
or becoming the token at the expense of their dominant oppressors
being seen as an inspiration by their oppressors
while being a martyr within.
The fight to be yourself is a battle of identity,
a battle within yourself and with the many people who didn’t understand,
the many people who either tried to re-create you as them
or the many people leaving you alone without someone to listen,
ultimately creating a battle within yourself,
either escaping from your life internally or fleeing from the outside environment externally,
everyone processes things differently, everyone forms their identities in their own way,
and everyone is vulnerable to the surrounding misunderstanding world around them
when we feel different,
sometimes we find a friend who understands and other times we don’t,
so we have to decide how we want to live our life.
We can be everything we are not or everything we are born with,
we can express the desires everyone thinks we are or we can be who we are.
we can listen to everyone and build walls around humanity,
or we can listen to our hearts building walls around our oppressors and build bridges with humanity.
The choice is ours.
We have our families.
We have our personhood battling to speak our mind in the surrounding society.
We create our own justice,
we create our own future,
we choose our destiny,
we can be lost wishing for a future,
we can become the oppressor we always hated,
we can become ourselves getting over our past getting over everyone,
giving ourselves the freedoms we deserve to be ourselves,
expressing the boundaries everyone can understand
so everyone respects each other with manners everyone deserves to receive,
looking toward the future,
being who we are allowing ourselves to express who we are,
not being too afraid of our differences,
realizing we all experience the same struggles
no matter what,
because,
no one can convince anyone to escape their life,
no can influence anyone that family values don’t matter,
no one can tell a person their differences need to be changed,
no one can influence anyone to be someone they are not,
everyone just needs to presume everyone can find their own direction
with their own differences relieving themselves from the struggles
everyone faces daily,
to finally building themselves in society
from being you to being the person they are,
escaping the many people who told them,
and allowing themselves to express their own identity in the end.

A Poem Called “It’s Not About Inspiration”

It’s Not About Inspiration,

by theamazinJ

Jerks, Assholes, Taunters, Real,
Inspiration?
We can all be jerks,
we can all be assholes,
we can all be taunters,
We are all real,
but we are all not inspirations.
I am not your inspiration,
and you are no body’s inspiration.
Inspiration is being a jerk,
inspiration is a being an ass,
inspiration is being a bully,
inspiration taunts us,
inspiration is not being real,
inspiration is being anything but real.
Disabled people are not your inspiration.
Autistic people are not your inspiration.
Inspiration is real, yes, but
we need to think of it as something within us,
not from outside of us.
Inspiration, yes?
No, inspiration, no.
Everyone is a jerk at some point during the day.
Everyone spins what they want others to understand about life.
So, why pity someone for who they are?
So, why not act like everyone is a person, disabled or non-disabled alike?
Disabled people are jerks just as much as able-bodied people are!
Disabled people are citizens just as much as you are.
I am disabled, but I am a citizen.
It does not matter what impairments or how severe the impairments can be,
no matter who you meet, everyone is a citizen.
The more we think this, the more we act it,
the more we remember being a citizen has many attributes,
whether able-bodied or disabled.
As a disabled person who can be an asshole or be a understanding person,
or as a able-bodied person who can be the same,
disability does not mean lacking humanity or being more than humanity,
disability is humanity.
Disability has varying degrees of impairments,
and impairments can be expensive to support depending on what is impaired
and how severe the impairment.
When thinking of being human, let’s think of all the variables of being human,
there are times when people are smart,
there are times when people can act stupid,
there are times when people can be an ass,
there are times when people can be a moron,
there are times when we people don’t think things through,
there are times when everyone plans out everything,
everyone takes disability too seriously and tragically,
when disability can affect anyone at any time in their life,
depending on when it strikes, what it strikes, and how it strikes,
depends on how the person reacts to disability.
There is no more putting down disability,
there is no more thinking disability is more than life,
there is no more disability is the end of life as we know it,
because disability is what makes life interesting,
it’s what makes life real,
it’s what makes human life being human
and being mortal and being imperfect
in a world that is constantly changing,
in a world that is rapidly transitioning,
and in a world that needs to normalize disability
as being the norm of humanity.
So, in universally designing society
we need to design structures and events
to allow however a person moves,
however a person communicates,
and however a person learns
to allow a person to applaud and flapplaud simultaneously
and allow a person to sign, talk, and use assistative technology
with ease without lurking, without staring, and without belittling or teasing,
because in the end,
universal design is about recognizing everyone however they are,
and not enabling them to be martyrs,
without enabling them to be inspirations,
and just letting everyone live the life they want to live
with their families, with their friends, and with their communities,
with the self-determination they want to self-direct their life with
even if it is choosing to live in the community
or choosing to live in a congregate setting.
Finally, its the choices that we learn from
that makes up our humanity.

A Poem Called “Theory”

Theory,

by theamazinJ

Everything changes,
from theory to reality,
everything disbands with time,
everyone disconnects eventually.
the theory follows us in the stars
the theory says we re-connect over the speed of time,
the speed of light, the speed of sound,
and the speed of our hearts joining together
again and again.
Everything changes
when we know it is time to move on,
when we know it is time to shine,
when we know it is time to rise above the sky,
when we know it is time to see beyond the stars
to see beyond what we already know.
The theory says,
it is time,
and we disconnect
only to move further away
until the time approaches us to
meet halfway through.
The theory says,
once we move closer and closer
to the next approaching star,
the star moves further and further away,
because every star cannot touch or connect
to another unless we are ready and able
to explode and expand and create another universe,
in time that happens may be
every billions of years,
every time the stars reach each other,
in every universe, in every galaxy,
the stars move so quickly
because we move quickly
to lift our inner selves up
to the journey toward heaven.
Heaven is abstract,
in every way that it is,
heaven is imagined differently
for everyone,
heaven becomes whatever
we think it is and whatever it can be,
if our thoughts are lost,
then we become lost into a black hole,
when our thoughts are not,
we becoming a shooting star
speeding up ready for disconnecting
to eventually connecting to form
an explosion of stars attaching themselves
and creating a universe ready for life,
ready to create a solar system,
ready to create a world,
a new system to spread diversity of living
from the very small to the very large,
diversity can be ugly, gross, or even disgusting,
but diversity can also be the most beautiful, vibrant, and colorful beings
and living organisms,
in a world created by stars,
in a world created by thou,
in a world created by moving closer connecting
to a beautiful assortment of multifaceted moving particles
coming together to form something amazing.
The theory says,
it is a cycle.
A cycle that has a beginning, middle, and an end.
It does not have to be sad at the end,
because there will be a new beginning
almost immediately after,
it may take time,
but time is the only thing we have
in the space that creates a universe,
in the space that helps thou in the stars
create something new,
not every universe is the same,
like not every world will be made with the same style,
the intensity of creating a universe is immense and strong,
the power of the stars coming together to connect altogether,
only creates something even more beautiful.
We cannot be afraid,
we cannot let our fears get the better of us,
we cannot hate that everything can end,
because in the end,
the cycle of life
helps the stars grow,
helps us grow,
and helps a universe be born over and over and over again.
And, the only reason why it is born again and again
is because of thou and cause of our thoughts
existing in time and having faith
that we are all in this together.

A Poem Called “No Regrets”

No Regrets,

by theamazinJ

Every experience we had,
every experience we have,
is neither bad nor worse,
every experience I had happened for a reason,
every experience I have I experience to grow,
no matter what anyone says or thinks
does not matter,
I grow from every experience everyday.
I grow because it helps me,
I grow because I am human,
and I grow to reach higher ground.
Some may not understand
especially since I am a disabled person,
since I have multiple disabilities
mainly invisible,
yet, everyone still knows I am human growing everyday.
Seeking support in different ways than I have,
ultimately making my decisions on my own,
because I have a mind of my own,
and every time I make a decision
it is always about how I feel at the time,
it’s always about what I need at the time,
and it’s always something I needed to grow from.
I have no regrets, and no body should,
even if we leave for a while
to do something we need to do for ourselves,
to do something that we feel we need to grow more,
to learn from to understand more about ourselves,
even if many others do not understand why,
even when others don’t understand what’s going on,
whether a disabled person or someone who is non-disabled
sets out on their own,
everyone needs their time for solace,
everyone needs to their time to listen to the inner voice,
everyone needs time sometimes to just do something,
because the time we have is all we’ve got,
the time we always had is all that we need to enhance ourselves.
As an Autistic disabled person who,
is disabled by default from a society who
does not understand the disability of autism,
and even invented and created the words.
Growth happens no matter what,
some may resist others’ growth,
some may say some disabled people cannot grow,
some may say having disability does not mean a person can grow,
some may say having disability is tragic sad thing,
some may say having disability means learning from those who are non-disabled,
some may not think of the implications of what they think
because it is overlooked,
instead therapies like ABA and social skills training
is generally mostly used rather than remotely used for specific ideals,
for specific impairments early on in life.
Sometimes we grow from each other,
but sometimes we need to grow by ourselves.
Others may be upset, crying, and angry,
about what the individual chose and what they wanted to
and how to grow from,
whatever the individual chose is self-determination and the social model,
regardless, and growing is an experience,
and there are no regrets from me,
and there should not be any regrets from anyone’s experiences
regardless of being autistic or not,
and no one should feel bad about any choice or experience they had.
In the end, it’s all about being self-aware,
it’s all about what we kinds of supports we need at the time,
and it’s all about having our intuition
to know ourselves,
and sometimes the support is just giving space,
understanding the boundary we set
to eventually come back a better person.
There is no regrets.

A Poem Called “An Activist’s Tale”

An Activist’s Tale,

by theamazinJ

An Activist’s Tale is unique and adventurous,
it’s a tale everyone goes through
every point in their life.
Being an Activist means:
doing things the ethical way,
doing things the hard way,
doing things with a vengeance,
doing things to serve things the right way,
not getting caught up with anyone influencing another,
blocking the negative while attributing the positive,
knowing who is supporting and supportive,
and who is brainwashing and not caring and unappreciative.
Being an Activist is building strength
to what is real activism and what is lying to yourself,
being an activist is furthering the goals of yourself
while furthering the goals of the whole world toward
justice for all:
for disability justice,
for beating down racial discrimination for equal rights of all races,
for fighting for what a belief system individual citizens believe in
and accepting everyone,
for expatiating the inequality of gender to preserve justice
for anyone,
preserving human rights to incorporate civil rights for everyone,
allowing everyone to choose what is right for them,
so everyone understands what kinds of supports they need
to live in the community they want to live in
regardless of what kind of home they will be in,
and giving the opportunity to anyone
who knows they have the ability to direct their own life,
whether the citizen decides to live in a group home or by themselves in their own home,
without anyone telling the person what supports they need or do not need,
because everyone needs support,
support from their family,
support from people in the community who the individual identifies as a supporter,
giving everyone the chance to make mistakes.
An Activist’s Tale is adventurous and wide,
the activist is an individual like you and me,
the activist is a person like you and me,
the activist wants the supports they need,
the activist wants the community to support their supporters they have,
the activist makes mistakes and learns from them.
the activist is a teacher too teaching about support and who is a supporter,
the activist does not need:
a community that hates,
a community that brainwashes,
a single person who brainwashes,
any person who pushes away support or supports they have
cause the idea of independence lies in interdependence.
Its about getting the education the individual citizen needs and wants
to further their career,
its about changing from false perceptions everyone believes from the past to reality,
and its about not objectifying anyone or martyring,
because its all about respecting the citizen as an individual.
Finally,
it is all about fighting for our individual rights,
it’s about believing in the ethical way and fighting for that,
it’s going into a direction that is positive and fulfilling
to serve justice for all.
Because An Activist’s tale can be misleading
when an activist calls out the negative too much,
when an Activist delivers speeches and written work
denouncing supporters and supports, not letting others live with self-determination,
lying to yourself and gas-lighting whoever to make people seem crazy,
and burning bridges everywhere without teaching others and building them,
that is not true activism.
True self-determination is growing into the person
the community has always wanted who:
embraces love, understanding, supports, supporters,
and acceptance of an individual’s right to choose
and acceptance of the diversity of whoever lives in the world,
since without diversity we have nothing,
because ‘every brain is wired differently’
that grows and learns unique to the citizen
and every person regardless of race, religion, gender, or sexuality
meets each other everyday in the community.
A True Activist’s Tale is being true to yourself,
and sticking with justice for all,
cause in the end,
it’s all about building the bridge our whole life
until one day when it is complete
and we finally settle down and rest peacefully,
then An Activist’s Tale is done.
Until then, speak up, believe, make mistakes, learn from everyone,
choose what fits for you, be yourself, teach what is activism, and direct your own life
to completing the bridge to its fullness and immensity.