Tag Archives: relationships

A Poem called “Pride within and without Prejudice”

Pride within and without Prejudice,

by theamazinJ

Must be proud,
without prejudice,
everyone is solid,
everyone’s fluid even with gender,
even with their thoughts,
even with strong willed thoughts
that we all think and think that,
no one is solid enough just to be rich,
no one is solid enough to be you, me, or anything,
everyone is vulnerable,
vulnerable to the point of moving away from you,
moving away from institutional thinking,
moving away from complicity,
moving away from compliance of what
the world wants stemming away from authenticity,
beating us down, beating us, beating us,
until we are all the same
and until no one is different,
and without authenticity,
however, what is authenticity?
Finding you, finding me, finding ourselves
until we are found,
found guts, found what we are.
Everyone has the guts,
everyone has the strength,
speaking to be well,
weaker than weak,
stronger than strong,
all in between.
Have you ever loved someone
so much, and found everyone
never really experienced who you are,
what you are, and think they are?
Maybe that is the problem,
maybe that is the thing that needs fixing,
maybe that is the thing we need,
we need
we need
we need
we need
we need what we want,
we need what we want
we need what we want
we need what we want totally
totally in our strength,
in our strength
to be who we are,
who we are in a world
who wants complicity
in a world who wants compliance
instead of respect,
instead of manners,
instead of receiving and giving and respecting boundaries
to the other person(s) or groups around.
They take our children,
they take our dignity,
they take everything,
but most importantly,
they take our love away,
only to say we have to love
the governing bodies or the complicity of compliance
that does not make sense,
because we are totally impart from that,
we are totally not like that,
and we are totally explicitly
controlled, we are all totally implicitly remarked
and we fight,
when we are told our voices are unreal,
when are communications are invalid and distorted,
and all our thoughts have to be programmed
the way dictators see it
even when dictators don’t recognize it
even when dictators can’t see it,
even when too many look too closely,
even when we just have the right
to freedom of speech regardless how we speak,
regardless what we want to say
to be complicit only to ourselves
compliant to the person we are individually
and never ever strike a match
start a war,
and fight another person
because we don’t like that
or we don’t like it
or we just have it
in the world around us
because we speak for what we want,
and it’s always nothing about us, without us.
I love so much you
take it or leave it,
but never understand it,
because you never will
only for complicity
and for the unwillful act
to dictate and the unfulfilling
rights to be struck by a exemplary probation prohibition,
even when we are all really the person we are born as
and no one can take that away,
no one can get us to comply to behaviors not making sense,
and no one has the right to act
like they have it all, when they really have nothing,
think about it,
we cannot feel when we can’t comply to something not making sense.
When it’s really pride without prejudice
without being someone else.
Amen.

A Poem Called “Humanity’s Rhetoric”

Humanity’s Rhetoric,

by theamazinJ

It’s my own rhetoric,
different from your own rhetoric,
different from the rhetoric of the nonautistic, normal condition,
different from American conditional rhetoric
harboring eugenics which is now called genetics,
but different than genetics and science,
different from worldly cultural conditional dominant rhetoric
in the mass media,
and the less accepted rhetoric I have known on my own
and what I learn recently
and try to communicate
is a part of a unique different rhetoric
affixed to complete,
affixed to infinitely affinity to yours and yours,
but it’s still different and unaccepted rhetoric
from the dominant discourse
many in the mass media,
many in politics,
and many of the lay persons even know…
my rhetoric, your rhetoric,
it’s all about being the human being
we all were born as,
it’s all about being the conditions
everyone wants to live by,
rhetoric of rhetoricity,
rhetoric rhetoric rhetoric,
echo it, echo your own,
echo the rhetoric you speak of
like everyone else does
if only to come to an understanding.
I live for my own,
while you live yours,
yours may be the dominant rhetoric,
while I am minority away from the dominant cultures,
embedded in disability culture
within my own body, my own thoughts, and the way I live
even as my own Autistic and stimmy and tic embodiments
experience the world
as part of my humanity
with my own way of centering myself,
with my own way I move,
with my own way of connecting,
with my own way of communicating,
and
with my own way of language
that many may not understand,
that many may not duplicate,
and that many may not know how to communicate,
because the rhetoric is different than yours,
different than theirs and different all around
both of us,
I love you, but the rhetoric is different,
even though the rhetoric we use
is different, but
it’s unique to both you and I.
The rhetorics speak for itself,
rhetorics are a part of the human conditions
in the being of being human
in the eternity of time to live.
I love you, but can you understand me
even when I don’t understand you,
and does it matter,
because if it mattered
my love for you and the world
would not be anything and everything
to me,
I love you, you and the rhetoric you speak of,
and the rhetoric different from you that I communicate,
but can we gather the ideas from our rhetorics
and finally understand each other,
if only with an open mind
like every other individual speaks
of their own rhetoric
around the world,
otherwise we would not be human.
Amen.

A Poem Called “It’s my Identity”

It’s My Identity,

by theamazinJ

I live for my identity,
It may not be yours,
it may not be what you like,
it may not be what you learn(ed) and even accept,
it may not be what you would do,
it may not be who you love,
it may not be what you love,
it may not be who you like,
it may not even be your experiences,
it may not be your way of viewing the world,
it may be have a different sensory existence in the community,
it may not be your way of communication,
it may not even be your lifetime traumas,
it may not be the way you feel oppressed,
but it is mine.
it may even be a different culture of humanity,
it is disability culture and other cultures,
Cultures of humanity not very accepted or very well understood,
cultures collide, cultures fight, cultures battle, cultures in-fight, and cultures stream for survival,
I sing for you not to focus in on me,
while will not focus in on you,
I sing to you to say how much I love you,
I paint pictures of what is love in this world,
while not very well loved and even hated.
I love many, but some don’t really love me,
I find my emotions draw me to love and accept any one
while taking time to understand, some are not loveable,
and even when a President who is unloveable and ignorant and naive and
all considered to be manipulating a society into the past
without moving forward to the future.
I love regardless and presently,
I don’t forgive easily, but am learning to do this gracefully
especially when it comes to closest relationships,
because a relationship is sentimental no matter who has joined in
on the relationship as a friend, as an ex-friend, as a former lover, as a previous crush, as a colleague,
or as a part of the people
who came into this world with me initially,
because a relationship is cognitive,
because a relationship is to be cherished,
as relationship is inevitable and a way to build on
a network that eventually can land us a beautiful romance, wonderful job opportunities,
much much support during the most painful times, and
even the most celebrated and honoring times
with much many much much love and abundance for who we are.
I sit in every corner of every room
observing,
I sit in every corner watching,
I sit in every corner,
enjoying every relationship forming and re-forming and bonding
because every relationship we’ve created
even every relationship accepts the journey of my path
even with not wanting your way and wanting my way,
we get to build the relationships we get
whether we want it or not,
because a relationship forms
and we get to describe the culture we are in,
and the cultures form, the person forms the identity,
the identity becomes the person, and everything
else just becomes the relationships we made,
we sustain, we end, we recirculate, we create,
we recreate, and we find a true partner
to be with us until death do us part.
No one can tell us who,
no one can tell us what,
no one can tell us how,
because intuition is a part of all of us
coming in different forms, different structure,
and different ways of understanding the world.
I accept you,
I hope you accept me,
I love no matter what,
and no one can tell me otherwise.

A Poem Called “Blank blah blah blah no words to express”

Blank blah blah blah no words to express,

by theamazinJ

It takes effort,
It takes comfort,
It takes me,
It takes determination,
It takes a willingness to be honest,
It takes the ability to do,
so why lie or be lied to,
when there is the truth,
when there is the honesty of the truth,
when everywhere we go the truth is behind us,
the truth sets us free,
even when we have done things to hurt,
even when we have done things irresponsibly,
even when we have triggered many people,
even from our own chronic post traumatic stress throughout life,
even with the hurt and pain that we have felt
it doesn’t mean others have to feel that pain too,
it does not mean everyone needs to hear it,
it just means we have to let it go,
It just means we can’t hold on to something just because,
It doesn’t mean that we allow anxiety to take it over
and control it and exasperate the events or what was heard or done that was painful,
It just means that we let it go,
Let it go and move forward,
understand, determine, listen, guide,
sure, many took advantage of who I am,
sure, many misunderstood and misunderstand the person I am,
sure, sure, sure,
it just does not mean everything needs to be about what happened or what was said or what was done,
it’s about believing, feeling, and shutting it out of the mind,
putting it in the back of the mind
to recall once we are lying on our old bed with gray and smiles all around
ready for a laugh, ready to wipe away the tears, and ready to move forward,
for now, it’s time to move forward on the journey to that moment,
it’s time to live the life it was meant to be,
it’s time to think everything about what I want and not so much what everyone else wants or just thinking about everyone,
it’s my life, it’s my art, it’s my films, it’s my poetry, it’s my work as a scholar I am meant to do to make differences,
It’ time to live, it’s time to focus on me, it’s time to de-focus on those past events, those past things I tried, and be in the present,
I am me, so who are you.
I want me, so what do you want.
I crave my talents. So, what are you going to do about it.
I always listen to my own mind. So, what do you think about that.
I study, I read, I paint, I film, I do many things within my studies. So, how do you like them apples?
I mark my journey to the end to the beginning when I am ready. So, what?
I scope the map of my journey and everything I want to do and get done before it’s too late. Hah, are you ready for me? are you ready for what I can do?
I will have a positive life that I want to have. A-HA, why are you laughing?
I know what I am capable of and I know when and how I need support. Think about that.
So, let’s go and do this thing we call life, and live.
Because in the end, it’s all about living while having ups and downs, while maneuvering through obstacles, and working on what I want,
looking forward to the beginning when I am ready, and the journey to the beginning when I am old and gray.
Let’s do this! let’s live! let’s give it our all! And, once and for all, let’s just be the best we can be!
Take care and see you around.

A Poem Called “I am not retarded”

I am not retarded,

by theamazinJ

I can think for myself,
I have a mind of my own,
I am a Masters student,
I am a filmmaker,
I am an artist,
I am a poet,
I am a person,
I am not less than what you think,
I am an independent citizen,
I need support like everyone else,
I am capable even though I am disabled,
disability does not mean I am hidden from society,
disability does not mean I cannot say “I am disabled and proud”
disability does not mean my voice does not matter,
disability does not mean I can’t do anything,
disability means I need to structure my supports
and build a supported decision making agreement
between my supporters
as myself being the decision maker
like you and you and you in the world.
I disagree with people
as much as I agree,
I do not agree with you on some things,
but I agree on other things,
and that’s okay.
I can speak out on what I believe and feel
an that’s ok because it’s how I feel
and it does not mean
I am too easily influenced or ‘brainwashed’
because being ‘brainwashed’ is not even a thing,
it is a social construction, it is not even real,
and it is figure of speech of
someone’s imagination to make a person seem crazy,
to make a person feel disregarded as a person,
and to not allow a person to take responsibility for their choices
even if the person felt at the time
to choose something for their own self-care,
even if it was for their own way of
making meaning with the world,
my own way of growing and maturing
and doing things on my own,
to get to an understanding of what
I can do without the world telling me otherwise
as if I need to always be told
as if I am child and not the adult that I am.
Presuming competence is so important,
it is so liberating for everyone
because the social model of disability
is not about discrediting medicine,
it is about self-determination
it’s about de-stigmatizing what the medical model did,
so disabled people make their decisions
and using accommodations even it is from medicine
to help a person live their life,
even if they need other accessibilities
to do this as well,
even if many do not understand the
social model of disability,
that’s ok, but please don’t discredit it,
don’t discredit an individual’s right to make decisions
based on how they may feel at the time,
allow leeway in may be taking responsibility
for why the individual chose that decision at the time,
may be it wasn’t all about the individual’s behavior
maybe it could have been the way
the individual felt from the behavior
of the people around them.
Relationships are a two way street.
Everything that happens is never one sided,
it is never the fault of one person,
everyone can always take responsibility for
every decision that is made by an individual.
There is a reason why things happen,
and sometimes that reason needs to be known,
sometimes the reason is projected on the decision maker
because the other people don’t want to
feel bad or don’t want to know they might have done
something wrong.
There is never what someone did was wrong
like there is never what someone did was right.
Every decision we make is something we did
from how we felt at the time.
Everywhere we go, every decision we make,
are decisions that may have been
tough for us to make,
but it was decisions from our path
to help us grow,
to help us mature,
and to help us further our destiny
to live our life.
Every decision an individual makes
is by how we felt
and whoever was around the individual at that time
including the individual
who needs to take responsibility for that decision.
Take responsibility for yourself
and most importantly take responsibility
for every other person as a decision maker
regardless of who the person is or was
even if person is disabled or
even if the person is non-disabled.
It’s not all about you or them,
it’s all about the decision that was made.