Tag Archives: relationships

A Poem Called “I am not retarded”

I am not retarded,

by theamazinJ

I can think for myself,
I have a mind of my own,
I am a Masters student,
I am a filmmaker,
I am an artist,
I am a poet,
I am a person,
I am not less than what you think,
I am an independent citizen,
I need support like everyone else,
I am capable even though I am disabled,
disability does not mean I am hidden from society,
disability does not mean I cannot say “I am disabled and proud”
disability does not mean my voice does not matter,
disability does not mean I can’t do anything,
disability means I need to structure my supports
and build a supported decision making agreement
between my supporters
as myself being the decision maker
like you and you and you in the world.
I disagree with people
as much as I agree,
I do not agree with you on some things,
but I agree on other things,
and that’s okay.
I can speak out on what I believe and feel
an that’s ok because it’s how I feel
and it does not mean
I am too easily influenced or ‘brainwashed’
because being ‘brainwashed’ is not even a thing,
it is a social construction, it is not even real,
and it is figure of speech of
someone’s imagination to make a person seem crazy,
to make a person feel disregarded as a person,
and to not allow a person to take responsibility for their choices
even if the person felt at the time
to choose something for their own self-care,
even if it was for their own way of
making meaning with the world,
my own way of growing and maturing
and doing things on my own,
to get to an understanding of what
I can do without the world telling me otherwise
as if I need to always be told
as if I am child and not the adult that I am.
Presuming competence is so important,
it is so liberating for everyone
because the social model of disability
is not about discrediting medicine,
it is about self-determination
it’s about de-stigmatizing what the medical model did,
so disabled people make their decisions
and using accommodations even it is from medicine
to help a person live their life,
even if they need other accessibilities
to do this as well,
even if many do not understand the
social model of disability,
that’s ok, but please don’t discredit it,
don’t discredit an individual’s right to make decisions
based on how they may feel at the time,
allow leeway in may be taking responsibility
for why the individual chose that decision at the time,
may be it wasn’t all about the individual’s behavior
maybe it could have been the way
the individual felt from the behavior
of the people around them.
Relationships are a two way street.
Everything that happens is never one sided,
it is never the fault of one person,
everyone can always take responsibility for
every decision that is made by an individual.
There is a reason why things happen,
and sometimes that reason needs to be known,
sometimes the reason is projected on the decision maker
because the other people don’t want to
feel bad or don’t want to know they might have done
something wrong.
There is never what someone did was wrong
like there is never what someone did was right.
Every decision we make is something we did
from how we felt at the time.
Everywhere we go, every decision we make,
are decisions that may have been
tough for us to make,
but it was decisions from our path
to help us grow,
to help us mature,
and to help us further our destiny
to live our life.
Every decision an individual makes
is by how we felt
and whoever was around the individual at that time
including the individual
who needs to take responsibility for that decision.
Take responsibility for yourself
and most importantly take responsibility
for every other person as a decision maker
regardless of who the person is or was
even if person is disabled or
even if the person is non-disabled.
It’s not all about you or them,
it’s all about the decision that was made.

Building Bridges when meeting people in groups

Meet up groups : Specific Functions

1) Meeting with likeminded individuals in the community, not in a congregate settings like a home or other segregated areas
2) Hanging out, socializing, getting to know people in the community going to events the organizers create
3) Sharing ideas
4) Not anticipating finding a sexual partner, (if the person is looking for this then they should not anticipate or expect this at all from happening), and just sharing each other’s moments even if it is playing a board game or any other type of activity
5) Think about building bridges with each other and not complaining or criticizing each other

Meeting in groups are supposed to be for fun social events for everyone to enjoy together because people came together for that purpose. Don’t let anyone take that fun away from you and don’t allow anyone into your head to take your experience you needed from that group. Some groups exist and are run by professionals like social workers, but not all are run by professionals. Every group is run for a purpose to bring people together. Those people who are impaired needing support to get them to the group tend to go to groups that are run by professionals while those people who are impaired with needing little support in getting them to the group, tend to go to groups run by peers.

No one can go to a group to anticipate meeting anyone even finding a partner or a friend. It is just about being with a group in the community. When anyone is in a congregate setting too long whether it is in their own home or other segregative setting, it is not good for anyone.

When getting people together, it is never about anticipation, it is all about not hesitating to be meeting people in the group you choose to be with. Meeting in groups is all about being with others who want to experience and explore together the same event or socializing experience at the exact time and at that exact moment of human experience. It does not matter whether the person is disabled or not, inclusion should be an option if the person desires to be in that group respectively as part of the community.

That is why I created my own group on the meet up website over a year ago called Neurodiverse Central Network. This is group is about hanging out with people regardless of disability and varying impairments with their allies if desired as well if they want to have them there. Members of this group respect each other regardless of disability or not, and by respecting each other, no one can make any one feel bad for what they feel or believe. The conversation is open to experiencing each other and communicating different ideas, respecting opinions as just that, opinions. That’s what nothing about us, without us, is all about.

A Poem Called “To Have or To Have Not”

To Have or To Have Not,

by theamazinJ

thinking,
breathing,
moralizing,
mortalizing,
forgetting,
forgiving,
fulfilling,
attributing,
differentiating,
differing,
limiting,
limitless,
it happens when we think,
it does not happen viably,
living everyday,
gawking at,
watching what we like,
disbanding what we don’t,
everyday is something,
nothing can be emptiness,
nothingness or beauty,
grouping or individuality,
haves or haves not,
furthering our dreams,
looking toward who we are,
creating a new normal,
a brand new construction,
a life is worth living,
everyone has something,
without rejecting the secret,
or, with living however you want,
goals of intuition,
warping with your tribe,
flipping through the book,
gone, but not gone,
lifting with joy,
sad for something,
angry to sometimes,
fearing for existence,
happy to live,
urging the silence
following the abundance,
connecting the world,
fulfilling,
guaranteeing observation,
gleefully determined,
everything happens the way we want
by believing in what we do,
belief for ourselves,
having the haters,
while also having the lovers,
springing board like a magnet
insisting the goal,
fueling our rights,
eventually
presumptuously
acting upon faith,
faith of the spirit,
faith of the the angel,
mostly, faith in ourselves.
To have or to have not,
we can have abundance
or we can have gloom,
we can have our mind
or we can live through others,
we can have much to accomplish
or we can fear for the anxiety not to,
everything is anxiety,
everything determines what you do in life,
and, everything is illuminated
no matter what,
so, go out there
and live it the way it is intended,
with the way feelings go by everyday,
with emotions, with fight or flight,
with ease or with difficulty,
with choosing to be with a tribe
or choosing individuality,
and most importantly,
choosing impossibility with possibility
because once we choose,
we choose life worth living,
and that’s the route individual citizens
want to take,
regardless of what neurodivergence living
or what social construction we want to abide by,
and what kind of a person we want to become.,
because it does not matter,
and don’t care what anyone says,
putting others messages second,
while doing something first,
remembering,
nothing about us, without us,
always.

A Poem Called “Rage, Rage, Rage”

Rage, Rage, Rage,

by theamazinJ

Violent bursts of screams,
raging through the crowd,
screaming, yelling, flapping,
bursting into the crowd of painful instinct,
sensory exhaustion to an extreme,
marginalizing one’s own dream,
ostracizing the person who lives,
oppressing,
depressing our emotions,
Raging violently with their hands,
raging violently with their movements,
raging so violently without even thinking,
trying to flight away to a far off quiet place,
destroying everything just to get there,
without caring what other pain is caused,
Rage, Rage, RAGE!
The wrath of Rage,
bursting into the seams of others clothing,
grabbing the nakedness of human nature,
the impossibility of looking directly in the eyes.
When looking directly into eyes
the pain causes rage
from the way the look grabs intently
to the point of fiery smoke,
and irrational emotional thought
seems to suck the blood out of your body,
out of your mind, and out darkening your soul
to the point of creating a clone
of the one and only who started it all.
The blood dries up,
the movements cause pain,
the gawking at the bluntness,
the need for a space for doing what is quiet,
what is intellectual,
and the space needed for creativity
to establish the need of creating a world
intersecting with time, with space, and
coordinating a world of hope,
a world of finding a way,
to a world to self-directing our own way,
a world to the incredible design created for everyone,
even when Rage outweighs it all,
rage does not fuel the joy,
Rage, Rage, RAGE,
raging into the community
where people eventually are segregated,
eventually into ghettos of despair
from the distrust that got us there,
fearing for our life,
and separating others who are citizens as well.
Loving to everyone can be difficult,
allowing the choice to persist,
separating our thoughts from our fear,
what is life?
rage, rage, raging into the sky,
opposing the current social construction,
building a universal designing of choice,
flapplauding or applauding,
ramping it up to nirvana or stairway to the upward wonderland,
acting up to the raging machine,
to the moment of existence,
without control, but with letting it all go,
letting go of what we are sad for,
letting go what makes us angry,
letting go of rage,
and finally letting go of the painful words or violence
imposed on who we are as a person,
to live a life finally nirvanically at peace.
peace with our hearts
subsiding the rage to almost nothing,
and just eternally living in the promised land
from this promised Earth.

A Poem Called “Passing”

Passing,

by theamazinJ

It’s a struggle,
I pass or at least try to pass,
It’s a struggle,
I am from autistic culture,
my mind sees all sorts of things
in this world,
my body moves in all different ways,
my voice box is different and monolithic,
my speech is radiant and unique,
my words become silent from misunderstanding,
my life is a constant battle to pass in society.
My speech speaks with very few listeners,
my movements paint with very easy ease,
my life is a constant battle to please everyone to pass,
did Frederick Douglass want to pass for the white man?
did Rosa Parks want to pass for the white woman?
Did Mozart care about what others thought when making music?
Did Andy Warhol care about what others thought of his art?
Did Andy Kaufman care about what his critics thought of his comedy?
Does Bill Gates care about what others think of what he wants to do for the world?
Does Hillary Clinton really care what anyone thinks of her?
Autistic culture is different from non-autistic culture,
disability culture is different than living without disabilities in the able-bodied culture,
black culture is different from white culture,
jewish culture is different from christian culture,
muslim culture is different from jewish and christian culture,
witch culture and other polytheistic cultures are different than monotheism,
LGBT culture is different than heterosexual culture,
females are different than males which are both different than other genders,
the binary system is broader than one would actually think,
the binary gender, the binary able-bodied culture, the binary religion,
the monolithic sexuality, the way everyone thinks is black and white.
everyone feels, thinks, speaks, and moves differently,
we need to respect each other for who we are all born as,
and we need to respect the way we all move in the world.
Yet, black and white thinking is among us all,
it’s among everyone who feels everyone in the world needs to pass
rather than be the other, rather than be a person who is who they are,
It’s fighting for the rights of people with disabilities to live our life
the way we are and fighting for universal design for inclusion in the world,
It’s fighting for black culture, indigenous culture, other people of color, muslims, Jews, polytheistic religions, and women
to be able to live life experiencing whatever way they are and whatever way they see the world,
because universal design is not just for disability culture,
it’s for everyone to live inclusively together,
without the social construction created hundreds of years ago,
living life with a more different unique social construction embedded with individual human nature
and understanding of each other,
passing is difficult for many,
passing is difficult when we cannot be accepted and respected the way we are,
the broader human culture needs to understand each other,
the broader human culture needs to accept each other,
and the broader human culture is a part of neurodivergent culture
as well as part of the culture of the norm,
if we are truly going to live a neurodiverse culture
than we need to be accepting when someone chooses to pass for norm or chooses their neurodivergence,
choosing to be whoever and whatever their brain is like in speaking, moving, and thinking with their bodies,
we choose everything by and for ourselves, we choose what we want to accept, we choose what we even want to do everyday,
the most important thing is:
We choose how we feel about ourselves and what we think of ourselves
because in the end,
it’s our choices that create us,
it’s our choices that allow us to think binary or not,
it’s our choices to accept others or not,
it’s our choices to respect everyone or not,
it’s our choices to create a new social order or continue the binary social construction
that has been around for hundreds of years,
it’s our choices to move forward in evolution or just pass,
it’s our choice to live or to die,
and it’s our choice to be the person we are by fate or by destiny of who we individually strive for
with respecting everyone.