Tag Archives: neurodiversity

A Poem Called “Institution and De-Institution of Life”

Institution and De-Institution of Life,

by theamazinJ

My knowledge is useful,
my life is pure,
my feelings are genuine,
‘normal’ is my misery,
my own normal is a companion,
my trope is believable,
I am a Human being,
I am sanctioned,
i am golden,
I am not your inspiration,
I lead by my own life,
by the way I am,
by the way I am,
even after surgeries,
even after medicines,
even after accommodations
for accessibility in this world,
I am blind,
I am sightworthy,
I feel difficult
in a marginalizing life,
I am refutable,
I am open,
to all open things and bodies,
I close at the open,
I open at the close,
I am a vibrant movable body
moving up and down
through the door,
through my seclusion,
through living through isolation,
though it doesn’t have to be that way,
It does not have to be isolating,
it does not have to be that mind-set,
It’s something I have to furiously open
on my own with or without leaving doors closed,
without or with closing on me,
with or without closing on you,
Life is like that!
so, it is time for a bunch of tears,
so, it is time for a craving of me,
and time to show that
regardless what or who the person is,
it’s about what humanity really is,
and it’s about being the ideals of what we are,
because in the end,
we have to accommodate others and be accommodated for who we are,
and finally,
if we don’t do that
we are nothing and wind up with nothing,
so it’s all about what we want,
and it’s all about who we are,
to generate everything
in the institution of life
and the de-institution of what we want society to be for life
as a whole,
do we work on being who we are?
or, do we have to work on what society wants instead?
and, do we work on what we believe?
or, do we work on how to work with other people’s beliefs instead?
so it’s all that we have
and all that we need to work on
to live the life we get
and the life we hope for.

A Poem Called “Autistic Rage”

Autistic Rage,

(Written after reading the article Blind Rage, in response to Helen Keller, by Georgina Kleege)
(This poem is something that is in the works for a poetry anthology I am doing for class for my masters program at CUNY. I am working on doing annotations for each part of this poem that requires an annotation which is why there is numbers associated with certain lines as well as 4 other poems I chose to annotate as well. I also used gender neutral pronouns so as to not identify. Since my natural tendency in writing is short bursts of words rather than longer sentences from my own Autistic language which is my own Autistic Poetics and my professor likes that. And, I will be filming this poem this week for my non-credit film class.)

by theamazinJ

My feelings of disability 1
come from the distinction of an honor,
but to many a tragedy,
from the way we see people generally,
to the way we converse,
from Kanner’s views of autism,2
to Asperger’s views of psychopathology, 3
to the beauty of movement
from the ideas of Tourette’s4
spilling out my gut,
without my insincere moment,
from the way Elephant Man5
physically felt stigmatized
and ostracized to the
way my moment of
my life lives.
To the way I fill the moment
of my influence,
to the moment of
how the intersection of
autism and Tourette’s
go hand in hand
even with dyslexia6
with the acts of disability
in American culture.7
My life is good,
stop and wonder,
my life is good,
I don’t care what you say,
I hurt,
I pain,
from your misunderstandings,
from your lack of empathy,
of your arrogance,
of your immaturity,
of your future of me one day,
when I surpass you.
I hurt,
I pain, I forgive,
I forget,
I argue,
I say,
Get Out,
Get Real,
Get images,
Get going,
I am me,
So get the hell out.

My disability of autism
is interesting.
My disability of anxiety 8
is a swirl of energy and rage
to be controlled.
My disability of movement
makes me move differently
than I am and you are.
I move with ease.
I move with fluttering hands and feet.
I fly my hands in the sky with flapping,
I shadow my feeling in the darkness.
I crawl into a hole.
My disability is discomforting.
My disability is not accepted.
I feel over anxious from
the already anxiety I feel
from society.
I feel I don’t love who I am
because I am not accepted
under this social standard, 9
this social construction society created, 10
and under every one telling me without
supporting me.
And, if I don’t want to be told,
that I am not supported by anything.
It’s control.
It’s life giving me serene beauty without
touching the beauty.
I love things, I love animals,
I always and sometimes love people.
I feel conglomerated
by society by the people
around me.
I need to be forgiven for I am,
yet, everyone wants
to change me for who I am right now.
I am, right now.
I cannot just be
I cannot just do
I cannot just say
I want to say
I want to do,
but in reality
i am unforgiven.
I am forgettable,
i am not working
like the way
They is worthy, 11
or
They thinks is worthy,12
or
They thinks they is the Queen,13
or
They
notes them and with pride,14
or
Them
exacerbates who they is
in a low key manner,15
or
They seems better
but really is not,16
or
They moves in to build peace
but cannot really17
or
They talks about sex
but takes it too far18
or
They passes with ease
causing more pain,19
or
the way Them projects who they are,20
or
Them uses their anger to shell out to others,21
or
They thinks the world revolves around them,22
or
how they thinks they can speak with AAC
even saying how proud they are of autism,23
or
even the way they takes on
how others feel and does not know their own,24
or even the way they attempts to
say Autistic men are more likely to be pedophiles
from an article from 2013,25
or how they thinks they can find causes
which they thinks can take away the pain
and cure autism even though that just
causes more pain in order to pass
and not be real,26
or even the way the anti-vaccine movement
thinks they knows everything, but knows nothing.27
or how every Autistic leaders feel,28
or autism researchers think about Autistics,29
because Autistic or not, I feel
humanity is real,
but humanity sucks
from the way we are all judged,
but humanity is not normal,30
and normal is done,
normal is succinct,
normal is seemingly joyous but
with eagerness to feel pain,
to feel suffering, to feel like less than,
but most importantly
feeling jerky,
feeling like a marshmallow,
feeling geeky,
feeling like I don’t belong
and everyone can move me
in the direction they want,
and my anxiety soars everyday,
every night,
and cannot stop
because everyone tells me and
no one wants to be told
and no one supports, but support is
good is better and helps a person
achieve self-determination,
achieving identity of largeness in my hands,
my long legs ache, my arms are in pain,
and I just feel like embarking on something special
as every other human being
is special, is unique,
and not more, not less,
and a part of the life
we live today.
It’s the way Neurotribes was written31
and even with In A Different Key,32
because Autistic history is real33
when it is really
the history of the Human race.34

(Happy Autism Acceptance Month 2017!)

The poems in order will be :

1) Autistic Rage poem
2) I am not retarded poem
3) I open at the close poem
4) Tyrant and Martyr poem
5) Poem of Apologies

(Now each poem will have annotations based on the readings I read this semester with other readings (books, articles) I have too.)

A Poem Called “To Please Yourself is to not think of anyone else”

To Please Yourself is to not think of anyone else,

by theamazinJ

It’s my life,
and no one else’s,
it’s my life,
even when people disagree,
it’s my life,
even if anyone disagrees with me
my whole life too,
it’s my life,
I choose things in my life
for a reason,
as an activist,
as a person who is
committed to human rights,
disability justice,
self-determination,
and with the rights
everyone has of supported decision making.
As a person who
does not like
the way the world is today
from the many discriminations
and injustices that are serving
everyone living today.
From the ideas of
the way society uses
the medical model
to hurt so many people,
and the way
everyone hurts,
not everyone understanding each other,
that because of this
there is disability culture
separate from non-disability culture
and because of this
I saddened to know
that from the two different cultures
not understanding each other,
universal design is not realistic,
and too ideal,
because there are
too many non-disabled people
who think of only themselves
and there are
too many disabled people
that are angry about this,
that can this war over words
really end?
can this war over words really end?
The war over words,
eventually leads to violence,
eventually leads to a tougher life,
and eventually leads to
everyone learning the hard way.
Our lives are good,
as human beings
we have the ability to love,
we have the ability to understand each other,
we have what it takes to serve justice for all,
but many do not want justice,
many are too complacent,
too complicit,
and many just want to live in LaLaLand,
while many just want to think about the medical model
without considering life
and what living life really is like,
even when someone gets a diagnosis,
even when someone seeks surgeries
for that diagnosis,
or even alternative treatments.
Some of these treatments
are imperative and can be fatal if not treated,
while other treatments
are a choice from the person, the individual,
to live their life treated to
live under the current social construction
as who they are without seeking to pass,
or live their life different than who they are
choosing to seek treatment to
pass and please people in society.
Everyone has their choices to make,
the ultimate choice is,
please yourself or please others,
and whatever you please,
there are consequences and rewards,
you just have weigh in on
the choice that best fits your life,
but remember this,
even when you are anxious over this decision,
asking too many people what to do,
and not relaxing and letting things happen,
you still must please yourself regardless.

A Poem Called “Nothing About Us”

Nothing About Us,

by theamazinJ

Everywhere we go,
everywhere we look,
We see destruction,
we see walls being built,
we see the development of institutions,
we see the lack of community building,
everywhere we go we see Donald Trump’s face
in place of the faces from the 1930’s,
where in 1927, Oliver Wendell Holmes
from the U.S. Supreme Court
finished what was started in America
where the dark history of America
helped stir the pot in Germany back then,
where even today
many people still keep in mind
what American History is really about,
keeping the rich richer,
and about building a fascist state of mind,
while The U.S. Supreme Court in 1927
from Buck Vs. Bell
secured a statement
that is still in everyone’s minds today
stirring the message over and over in their heads.
The message was clear, the message was disturbing,
and the message was concrete,
when Holmes said “Three Generations of Imbeciles were enough…”
It allowed the preconceived notion
that the medical model of disability will dominate,
it also allowed Americans
to build a war against each others
against society
and against disability
while at the same time
trying to prevent disability
and not only that,
but eventually labeling
everyone ‘high’ functioning or ‘low’ functioning,
and even establishing medical charity organizations
to this day
to use this rhetoric from Buck vs. Bell
even more than they had done before
to establish a society of sameness,
a society of perfect bodies,
a society where there would be lethal forced euthanasia,
a society where there would be eradication of certain peoples,
and a society segregating people
by class, by gender, by race, by sexuality, by ability,
and by religion.
This is the society Donald Trump wants,
this is the society that Paul Ryan hopes for,
this the society Mitch McConnell strives for
and what Mike Pence asserts every day.
We need to stop this from happening,
we need to embrace every part of humanity
every day of our lives,
with supporting each other,
and encouraging everyone
while remembering
why we are here on this planet,
and how we can rely on each other everyday for support.
Society is interdependent,
we are not finches,
we cannot take Darwin literally when he said
it’s ‘Survival of the Fittest’,
because humanity is different,
humanity is supported,
we support one another,
we support other animals,
we support other kingdoms of taxonomy,
we support the climate of this great planet,
if someone is sought out to destroy this diversity
then we need to sought out justice to the people
wanting to harm and wanting to do this,
because we need to construct
a world of love for this planet
and everything and everybody that is on it,
no one can take that away
and no one can segregate or harm another,
in the end,
its our duty to take care of one another
regardless of who or what we are,
regardless of what kinds of supports
the person needs to achieve their own self-determination,
because we cannot be influenced by
Donald Trump’s establishment or Paul Ryan’s anger or Mitch McConnell’s fury,
or even Mike Pence’s ignorance,
To be truly United,
we need to include everyone,
we need to build community,
because disability is part of the human experience,
but is also part of living organisms,
and we need to remember,
Nothing about us, without us
is Nothing about US.
Everyone supporting one another, is not controlling anyone regardless,
that’s what democracy is really about.

A Poem Called “Open at the Close”

Open at the Close,

by theamazinJ

My knowledge is useful,
my life is pure,
my feelings are genuine,
my misery is normal,
my normal is my companion,
whether I am feeling happy or not.
My trope is believable,
I am a Human being,
I am validated
because of thou
up in the heavens
looking down at us
and can live my life from all that.
I am golden,
I am not inspiration,
I lead by my own life,
by the way I am,
even after surgeries,
even after medicines,
even after accommodations,
I see too much
as sight worthy
and can see everything
from what any one is doing.
I feel difficult, different
in a marginalized life,
though, I am unforeseen,
I am open to all that is open,
I close at the open,
I open at the close,
I am a spectre
moving up and down
through the door,
seeing Gold, Gold, Gold,
remarkably open,
closed on me,
closed on you,
life is like that,
from an incredibly beautiful way to live,
regardless of what you think,
or, who you are,
life is beautiful
to all that we can say
to all that we do,
and to all that we are
because,
this life is all about
the way we see it,
the way we want to live it,
and remembering
we are open at the close
and close at the open
no matter what
and for whatever it is worth.