Tag Archives: disabled

A Poem Called “History”

History,

by theamazinj

Story,
feelings,
hurt,
healing,
history.
History says,
stop and think,
history says,
go ahead and review,
history says,
forget and forgive,
history says,
neurodiversity,
history says,
we are neurodivergent
unless we claim to be neurotypical
from the social construction.
Whether Neurotypical or claiming Neurodivergence,
we are here or we are there,
we are sad or we are happy,
we are gone or we are forgotten,
we are staying or we are leaving.
Every day is history,
every year is history
every day we remember not repeat history,
from pre-history days to historical views,
from the day we end it to the day we begin,
from what we hate to what we love,
every day is a good day of extenuating circumstances,
love or be loved, hate or be hated,
everyone loves yet everyone hates at the same time.
Do we go?
Do we let loose?
do we win? or, do we lose?
do we just let go?
Communicate to let go,
leave to let go,
stay to let go,
drive to let go,
roll to let go,
spin in circles to release everything,
release the tension,
release the bitterness,
release the anger,
release the love deep in your heart.
Everywhere we go,
everywhere we attend,
wherever we enter,
whatever we exit,
go and be seen,
include yourself in what you want,
exclude what you do not like,
saying it will be heard later,
without feeling guilty for doing that.
Sometimes we are hurt,
sometimes we feel situated in our brain with ease,
building our mind with knowledge,
creatively discovering who and what we are,
inventing and reinventing until we become the person we are meant to be,
sometimes gone,
sometimes hurt,
sometimes we are longing for lust,
while longing for our hearts to be satisfied.
Feeling nature, experiencing everything around us,
and building who we are with
who we are with self-determination.
Sometimes it takes growth,
sometimes it takes seclusion,
sometimes it takes isolation,
while sometimes we need to live in solitude.
Some may say its loneliness,
when it really just is self-care, self-love, and self-worth.
Giving our identity to the world can be overwhelming,
giving every word every sentence and every picture,
exposes everything and pushes us to detach from the community.
We have our faith, we have our lion, we have our gopher, and once again,
we have our spirit in the winds,
no matter what we do,
it’s on us,
because it’s history,
it’s in our genes,
it’s in how we express those genes,
and it’s how we see the world through the social model,
through the way disability is a part of us all,
finally being the imperfect of who we are.
History: The story of our lives.
disabled or non-disabled,
accepting or just being in pain,
it’s time for the future,
for the future of history.

A Poem Called “A Narrative of Individuals”

A Narrative of Individuals,

by theamazinJ

My gift,
My life,
My vision,
My focus,
My broad spectrum,
my ultimate beauty,
my darkened evil,
my life:
I have you,
I am you,
I am me,
I am disabled,
I am a person,
I am a citizen,
My goal,
My life,
My future,
My medicine,
my accommodation,
my accessibility,
my feelings,
my touch,
my sight,
my ideas,
my ways of who I am,
My obstacles with social construction,
My life.
I am disabled,
I am able.
I am who I am
however way you look at me,
I am you,
I am me,
I am comforting,
I am lost,
I am gained,
I am part of a tribe,
I am neurotribes,
I am neurodivergent,
I am blind,
I am moving awkwardly,
I am flexible,
I am moving furiously,
I am angry,
I am sad,
I am smiling,
I am proud of who I am,
I am conquering.
I am fighting.
I am flightful.
My thoughts are egregious.
My thoughts are among thou.
My thoughts are disabled.
My thoughts are smart and able,
my goal is fitting.
I am fit.
I am going on.
I am moving on.
I am forthcoming.
I am utterly fruitful.
My spirit is going.
I am a starry night,
I am in a darkened hole.
My life is sunny,
My life is rainy,
My life is cloudy,
My life is clear,
I can see clearly.
My life.
My classless feeling.
My feelings for others.
My anxiety soars.
I care for others,
I care less for me,
I focus on off,
focusing on.
lifting you,
lifting, pulling, pushing, pulling,
egregiously climbing,
outwardly done.
My life.
My life is paralyzed,
my life is numb,
my life is moving,
my life is simple,
my life is complicating,
my life is complex.
I am strong.
I am weak.
I am open.
I am closed.
It’s all about the future,
it’s all about me and you.
I am inspired.
I am despired.
I am inspiring.
I am deploring and despiring.
It’s good or it’s bad.
Faulty or Fally,
Fortune or forgetful,
Minding my business,
minding my own mind.
Spinning boundaries,
mental incapacities,
psychiatric dogginess,
dogs of beauty,
catastrophic cats,
cats in a rainbow,
libertarian of liberty,
spiraling out of control.
Controlling who I am,
spinning awfully well,
moving hands with flapps,
pushing myself into my blankets,
listening to my music,
painting the colors on canvass,
filming my stories,
urging goals of life.
It’s my journey,
It’s my anxiety,
It’s my conundrum,
I can be,
I cannot see,
I can see,
I can feel,
I may be real,
I am real,
I am you,
I am me,
That’s me,
That’s my life,
that’s your life,
living.

A Way Forward For Society to Think Outside the Box

Change is not only hard for many Autistic people, but Non-Autistic people have problems with Change as well. I’ve noticed this a lot lately probably because I am making myself more aware of this. A lot of the World’s people have problems accepting change leading into destructive violent behaviors, however there is a way to rectify the situation; accept changes people present everyday, accept yourself, and think outside the box. Positive changes happen every day, sometimes multiple times a day, so we need to know change is good. Whether you are Disabled or Non-Disabled, everyone is human which means we all need to accept changes every day and live our life fulfilling career paths. Many times people follow the wrong path where they follow along someone else’s instead. People need to accept who they are and change to lead their own life without thinking about how much money they will make. Money is a material reward that is given after hard work was completed. Everyone matters and everyone deserves to work hard for their reward.

To be a Self-Advocacy Leader of any group, people have to remember that there are different roles of leadership in the world. Everyone leads and follows at the same time whether they realize it or not. However, leadership takes ownership in the person’s life empowering them to take on their struggles head on and use their struggles as a platform to build their life. For example, someone who is non-verbal and not able to express their words through their physical voice, needs to express their desire to communicate by using assistive and augmentative communication devices that will help them use their voice. They are still leaders! Many Non-Autistic people believe that many people who can’t communicate through their physical voice have no rights and can’t stand up for themselves. Thus, this is where the problem arises because a lot of people have a problem thinking outside the box.

Thinking outside the box is a continuing issue for most people in the world because most people look at standards of what they want in society without deviating from the standards. This is a problem! This is why organizations like Autism Speaks are hopeless places for people to turn to. However, it’s also an easier place for people to turn to because the media promotes them. The media does not realize that this organization is not helpful because the media can not deviate from the way society sets these standards, for example, with physical voice and eye contact.

There are many ways a person communicates. For example, imagine everyone you met in the world were deaf or blind, then we would all be either using sign language to each other or braille. Think about this and even other examples! Then, if there were a minority of people talking and seeing well in society, everyone probably would consider people speaking and seeing, lost, dead, souls throwing them in institutions to make them society’s normal. Now let’s go back to reality! In reality, the majority of people use eye contact, talk with their mouths, can see, walk, and hear well. The rest of us are the minority who can not make eye contact or talk with our mouths or can’t see or can’t walk or can’t hear well. The more Non-Disabled people realize that disability is a part of the human experience, the more they will realize that leadership is a part of being human too, the more everyone will have fulfilling lives in an inclusive society without struggling through pain and having outbursts. However, many people in the world do not see the full picture and can not think outside the box.

When someone has a creative mind, they can think outside the box and by thinking outside the box, the person knows they will make mistakes and grow more. The world wants to be perfect, but perfection does not exist. Perfection is just a bad assumption to make. I noticed that many of society’s standards are not very realistic because of the ‘perfect’ factor. People want to be perfect, so they forget about humanity. Being human is not being perfect, being human is just a way of providing ourselves with being more of a creative thinker. There are different ways of being creative too. Everyone has their own mind where they experience the world differently from their peers and family. Organizations like Autism Speaks needs to realize this too!

At my current job leading groups for an agency in New York City, I love my job and I love helping others in the Disability community who have similar or different disabilities than myself. It’s been a great experience so far and it only will get even better. I lead groups two days a week as a pilot program that can lead into a great endeavor of personal experience to help for outreach. I create presentations each week and meet with the people who go to the day hab centers and live in the residences the agency provides for them. This experience I have will lead more to an empowering movement in the whole disability community for everyone including myself. Let’s get started on thinking outside the box about Disability!

OUT, J

It’s time for Everybody to Remember about the Importance of Self-Determination for anyone!

Self-determination can very hard for any one, but in the end anyone, can respect themselves more, while others respect more who the person is. I find some Non-Disabled people do not see the whole picture. A person who wants to live in a particular area, work in a particular job, or do what they know can to help humanity, should have the right to do it. Societies are always pushing their thoughts, ideas, and motives on to the disability community to tell us how to think. The earlier a child is pushed to do it on their own, the more the child will have the ability to do the actions on their own. It’s also interesting how in the early Twentieth Century, there were many youth who as an adolescent, really worked, and built their lives earlier than many do now. Nowadays, standardized testing and intelligence scales are focused more than the creations any adolescent youth used to work on to build their lives.

Telling others to always use person first language does not allow anyone to have self-determination. It just instructs Autistic and Disabled people to go along with what other people say. The time is now to allow everyone to be able to identify themselves however they want to be called. No one can tell another person what they should be called and no one can tell a person how to live their life as long as they are not hurting themselves or others. Most people do not realize that Autistic people around the world need to live their life a certain way in order to be living their life the way they know they can. Self-Determination is allowing everyone to figure out how they want to live their life without influence from anyone else and know exactly how they want to be identified as. So, why are there still some people always trying to push their ways of identifying others especially on Autistic and Disabled people. That is not self-determination.

It really is interesting when I know that there are some Autistic people who say they are happy, however professionals, parents, or caregivers are forcing them to socialize in unexpected ways because they insist the Autistic person is unhappy. Socializing with others is a different process for everyone. Everyone socializes, but not everyone socializes the same way or at the same times as the majority of people. A lot of people will socialize by talking and making eye contact, but many others do not and can not do that. There are many people who socialize just be hugging, flapping, spinning, or using a Augmentative and Assistive Communication device (AAC) such as an iPAD. It’s interesting socializing is made to be an important factor for life especially when we see it in media throughout history. Watch this episode from Ghost Whisperer, season 2, episode 4 on Netflix or buy the TV series online at Amazon. This episode was the most accurate portrayal of Autistic people I have ever seen. It aired in 2007. Watch the episode and it’s not what you would expect.

I’ve heard some Autistic people who said that they wished they could just walk up to anyone and start a conversation on their own, but they literally can not do that. There are also some who do not care to start talking to anyone because they just want to work on their interest which a lot of people call, their ‘special interests’.

This past week I went to the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network’s Annual Gala in Washington D.C.!!! It was great meeting and increasing my network while enjoying the amazing night. Congratulations to Henry Frost for his amazing work and being included in the public school system!!

(To be continued…)

OUT, J

What Disability has meant to me through childhood to being an Adult now

Today, I am generally recognized as Autistic, I have fought my whole life for this, starting as a disabled child when no one knew what my disability was. In the 1980’s especially where I live, people were completely in the dark on what it meant to be Autistic or Disabled. It’s time for societies today to continue to talk about disability to be accepted as just another part of humanity. There are no special needs, we need, we just need the same basic things as our Neurotypical counterparts. (Specifics may vary) Those needs we all have, are growing pains in the Disability and Autistic communities because most Neurotypicals turn their attention toward standardizing or normalizing society which is why we need live our life our way to get through a single day.

Disability is a construct. Humanity is not perfect. Disability is truth about life. Disability gives us our humanity. From my childhood, there have been many people who did not understand what being Disabled means. Disability does not mean dependence and even does not mean failure, it just means growth: Growth where we live, growth in our minds, growth in our strength, and finally growth in a spirituality like anyone else would. From that growth, we will all succeed! It truly means that disability is a not a raging war against others and it’s not rage against humanity; it’s just part of humanity. We need to respect all of humanity.

The Disabled community has suffered oppression, seclusion, segregation, and confusion from Abled society. Autistic people in particular are told to quiet our hands, tone down our voices, schedule our days to what they want from us. They cover their ears instead of listening to us. For instance, there even was a recent news story about an Autistic youth being given vocal cord surgery! Society is confusing when they state that people are always listening to each other. For example, the Autism Speaks slogan is “It’s time to listen,” well, now it is really time to listen to Disabled and Autistic people around America and beyond since most people still do not. Many people have started to listen in the past few years, but everyone needs to listen to us, the Autistic and Disabled communities of what it’s like to be us! No one can tell another person who and what they are, everyone knows who and what they are already.

Live your life and everything will work out. Don’t feel like you need to hide anything about yourself. Disability is a guide for us to live our life.

(I know it’s a while since I posted last, but I have been going through a lot lately. I will be posting more often.)

OUT, J