Tag Archives: being who you are

A Poem Called “Blank blah blah blah no words to express”

Blank blah blah blah no words to express,

by theamazinJ

It takes effort,
It takes comfort,
It takes me,
It takes determination,
It takes a willingness to be honest,
It takes the ability to do,
so why lie or be lied to,
when there is the truth,
when there is the honesty of the truth,
when everywhere we go the truth is behind us,
the truth sets us free,
even when we have done things to hurt,
even when we have done things irresponsibly,
even when we have triggered many people,
even from our own chronic post traumatic stress throughout life,
even with the hurt and pain that we have felt
it doesn’t mean others have to feel that pain too,
it does not mean everyone needs to hear it,
it just means we have to let it go,
It just means we can’t hold on to something just because,
It doesn’t mean that we allow anxiety to take it over
and control it and exasperate the events or what was heard or done that was painful,
It just means that we let it go,
Let it go and move forward,
understand, determine, listen, guide,
sure, many took advantage of who I am,
sure, many misunderstood and misunderstand the person I am,
sure, sure, sure,
it just does not mean everything needs to be about what happened or what was said or what was done,
it’s about believing, feeling, and shutting it out of the mind,
putting it in the back of the mind
to recall once we are lying on our old bed with gray and smiles all around
ready for a laugh, ready to wipe away the tears, and ready to move forward,
for now, it’s time to move forward on the journey to that moment,
it’s time to live the life it was meant to be,
it’s time to think everything about what I want and not so much what everyone else wants or just thinking about everyone,
it’s my life, it’s my art, it’s my films, it’s my poetry, it’s my work as a scholar I am meant to do to make differences,
It’ time to live, it’s time to focus on me, it’s time to de-focus on those past events, those past things I tried, and be in the present,
I am me, so who are you.
I want me, so what do you want.
I crave my talents. So, what are you going to do about it.
I always listen to my own mind. So, what do you think about that.
I study, I read, I paint, I film, I do many things within my studies. So, how do you like them apples?
I mark my journey to the end to the beginning when I am ready. So, what?
I scope the map of my journey and everything I want to do and get done before it’s too late. Hah, are you ready for me? are you ready for what I can do?
I will have a positive life that I want to have. A-HA, why are you laughing?
I know what I am capable of and I know when and how I need support. Think about that.
So, let’s go and do this thing we call life, and live.
Because in the end, it’s all about living while having ups and downs, while maneuvering through obstacles, and working on what I want,
looking forward to the beginning when I am ready, and the journey to the beginning when I am old and gray.
Let’s do this! let’s live! let’s give it our all! And, once and for all, let’s just be the best we can be!
Take care and see you around.

A Poem Called “Is it worth the frustration to be ‘nOrMAL'”

Is it Worth the Frustration to be nOrMAL,

by theamazinJ

Normal
nORMAl
NORmal
norMAL
NORMAL!
I feel the frustration,
is it normal?
Is it supposed to be passing for norMAL?
WHAT IS dammmit, NORMAL?
Normal is…
difficult,
NORMAL is…
frustrating,
NORmal is…
OMG!
NORMAL is…
OMG…I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!
NORmal is…
Oh my goodness, OMG, Oh my GOD!
NORMAL, what can I say?
NORMAL, it is hard
It’s like very few can pass for it,
yet MANY embrace it.
It’s so very stimulating or in this case,
TRigGERRing to have to pass for norMAL!~~~

NORMAL IS…
hurtful,
especially when I am not NoRMAL,
including my friends who are not NORmal either,
or even whenever I walk down a street
I see MANY struggling to be NorMAl,
NORMAL is a social construction,
it is passing for…
what America wants,
it is passing for…
being non-disabled or NON-NEURODIVERGENT,
also, when EVERYONE is born NEURODIVERGENT,
but only PASS for NORMAL
and embrace NORMALITY
only to
ACCEPT NORMALITY
AND
Oppress The MANY citizens out there who CANNOT,
especially when
you are NEUROQUEER,
OR even when
you are not one of the BINARY genders
when gender is FLUID and is non-binary,
NOT saying I am non-binary, I AM JUST OPEN-MINDED
to everyone’s gender differences and EVERYONE’s iDeNTitiES,
and the self-determination of being WHO WE ARE INDIVIDUALLY,
and being the person we are MEANT TO BE and ARE in this world.
NOrMaL, what the heck is it,
when it’s all about when WHITE MaLE Christians who created the damn word many years ago,
who wanted EVERYONE to conform to THEM,
and who WANTED everyone to be non-disabled, non-neurodivergent, and labelled by IQ.
AND, who also wanted EVERYONE to look, feel, and think the SAME way,
How NORMAL is that when SO many are different races, of different religions,
of different thinking types, of different emotional types, of different FEeLIngs,
OF different concurrences acting at the SAME time,
OR of different lapses of time splitting in their heads,
and of different genders and differences in disability,
BECAUSE everyone can DO it,
NO one is IMMUNE to think differently, WE are CREATIVE which is WHY normal was made,
which is why things are DiFFerent.

Normalizing what?,

by theamazinJ

MORE importantly why WE all make MISTAKES especially with TRY(ING) to NORMALIZE America,
and in many CASES NORMALIZE the WHOLE WORLD, but many CANNOT be NORMAL,
MANY cANNOt think NORMAL, many CANnot feel norMAL
because NORMAL is painful especially when someone is disabled,
especially painful when someone is NEURODIVERGENT
when being NeuroDiVERgent is not VERY embraced
and people want to accept NORMAL as the ‘in’ thing as the BRAINS and the one with IQ,
and neurodivergent as OUT, as the ‘OTHER’, and the one that is WEIRD or FREAK or INCOMPETENT or
STUPID or even the re2379427d,
eVERyone is really neurOdivergent, but many seem to discount it, seem to disregard it, or even THINK SAMENESS is the ‘in’ thing,
when EVERYONE is really different,
everyone is really …
CREATIVE, emoTIONal, lEarnING all the time, brainy, INTELLIGENT, gaining WISDOM everyday, has their own WaY of doing things.
while everyone can …
BREAKDOwn, everyone can..
meltdown,
everyone can…
hit rockbottom to only rise to the TOP,
EVERYONE can…
MAKE a MASTERPIECE OR Make an invention OR make a discovery from within themselves that CREATES connection
and CREATES something with their MINDS even when it is just very small BECAUSE it really is VERY BIG for the world,
just like NORMAL was and just the way NORMAL was created
ESPECIALLY when normal is destructive to a human being’s personhood and just when normal can also construct certain elements of life,
because normal is paining and hurting MANY in this world
our peers who are not of the binary genders like you or I,
our peers who are NEUROQUEER
our peers who are a(sexual) or even sexual,
OUR peers who are mixed race, or not of the same race as you or I,
OR the way me and my peers who believe in different religious or spiritual thinkings,
or how many citizens who are disabled, neurodivergent seem to experience the world differently
even when the disability and neurodivergence is autism,
or even when it is cerebral palsy, down syndrome, or many other different developmental disabilities
because having developmental disability is NOT considered normal and is not considered intelligent and
seems to always associate with judgement, always associates with stupidity and incompetence and not knowing what is right or what is wrong,
because in the end, it’s normal, it’s abnormal, it’s just living, it’s just life.

Normalizing Why?

by theamazinJ

Being developmentally disabled is
being more INTELLIGENT than peers who embrace normality can even fathom,
its’s being more FUN and comical than one can even think about,
AND, is being more empathic and CREATIVE at the same time than any other citizens can even feel and think,
Being developmentally disabled or even have psychiatric disability is a thing, but it does not have to mean the person has to be this normal…
or has to abide by the rules that the leaders of normal created years ago,
Being developmentally disabled and having psychiatric disability is part of being human,
It’s a way that life sets us off, it’s a way to experience the world, and it’s a way of being intelligent differently,
since anyone of us can have psychiatric disability because it’s part of human experiences,
and developmental disability is a thing that happens to many, but not all, as a way to know being human is IMPERFECT,
and being human is MORTAL, and being human, everyone will have different ways to express the genes of the human race,
EVERYONE is GREAT, everyone is GOOD, and EVERYONE thinks different, and MOST importantly NORMAL was just a story or concept created but does not have to be embraced by anyone.
I am male, I am neurodivergent, I am autistiC, I am Jewish, I am spiritual, I am a artist, I am a beginning filmmaker, I am a scholar, I read many books and articles, I am a poet,
I am a person of science, I am many identities, I always have my own mind,
and most importantly,
I am J.

A Poem Called “Institution and De-Institution of Life”

Institution and De-Institution of Life,

by theamazinJ

My knowledge is useful,
my life is pure,
my feelings are genuine,
‘normal’ is my misery,
my own normal is a companion,
my trope is believable,
I am a Human being,
I am sanctioned,
i am golden,
I am not your inspiration,
I lead by my own life,
by the way I am,
by the way I am,
even after surgeries,
even after medicines,
even after accommodations
for accessibility in this world,
I am blind,
I am sightworthy,
I feel difficult
in a marginalizing life,
I am refutable,
I am open,
to all open things and bodies,
I close at the open,
I open at the close,
I am a vibrant movable body
moving up and down
through the door,
through my seclusion,
through living through isolation,
though it doesn’t have to be that way,
It does not have to be isolating,
it does not have to be that mind-set,
It’s something I have to furiously open
on my own with or without leaving doors closed,
without or with closing on me,
with or without closing on you,
Life is like that!
so, it is time for a bunch of tears,
so, it is time for a craving of me,
and time to show that
regardless what or who the person is,
it’s about what humanity really is,
and it’s about being the ideals of what we are,
because in the end,
we have to accommodate others and be accommodated for who we are,
and finally,
if we don’t do that
we are nothing and wind up with nothing,
so it’s all about what we want,
and it’s all about who we are,
to generate everything
in the institution of life
and the de-institution of what we want society to be for life
as a whole,
do we work on being who we are?
or, do we have to work on what society wants instead?
and, do we work on what we believe?
or, do we work on how to work with other people’s beliefs instead?
so it’s all that we have
and all that we need to work on
to live the life we get
and the life we hope for.

A Poem Called “A Serene Beautiful Path”

A Serene Beautiful Path,

(A poem inspired by many readings I have read all throughout my life. I started writing this poem when I read Merri Johnson’s Girl in need of a Tourniquet and Bram Stoker’s Dracula this semester at CUNY SPS.)

by theamazinJ

My humanity is there,
I set off to the goal,
I pain, I hurt, I erode
through sudden Goethe,
I deserve the ending,
I sacrifice the beginning,
I figure my mind.
I liberate my flamboyance,
I continue to the
connotation of trials,
of tribulations of
the non-binary world
which is really binary,
of everyone in motion,
love is darkness,
love is spiritual,
love flips houses
to go, to out, to live,
I sacrifice my mind,
I feel the inner monster,
I live the outer inner body
of humanity,
monstrous,
man,
woman,
person,
person?
Person!
I am a person,
being virtuous, being good,
being a good guy,
being a good gal,
being a good person,
being the body of dense creation,
my creator made me,
he made everyone,
I am not understood,
my good intentions of bad moods and emotions.
I love animals,
I love my love,
Is there really a normal?
What is normal?
Compulsions of normal,
acting on you,
disliking on me,
fairly with justice.
Deviating toward death,
WHAT IS DEATH?
WHAT IS LIFE?
Death, Violence, Deviant, or NOT,
disgust or whack,
Dracula,
Dracula,
Dracula,
Beetle BeetLe BEETLE
JUICE JUICE JUICE,
Everywhere I go,
Everywhere I look,
I see my future,
I find myself in the present,
I walk through the curtain,
I rise from my chest,
and I have a past in the background.
Everywhere I go,
Everywhere I see,
Everywhere I want to be,
It really is the light approaching from the darkness
in the distance,
and everywhere I go, everywhere I look,
AND EVERYWHERE I HIDE,
I SEE my dreams becoming REALITY,
I SEE my life BECOMING A THING!
I SEE that NOTHING WILL STOP ME!!!!
BECAUSE I am going to SUCCEED,
I AM GOING TO do what I WANT,
I AM GOING TO WORK ON MY OWN,
building my CAREER,
building my CREATIVITY,
BUDDING my LIFE into reality,
AND LIVE THE LIFE I WAS MEANT TO LIVE.
Forget about darkness,
forget about what you think,
forget about your thoughts,
BECAUSE the only thoughts that matter
are the thoughts IN MY HEAD,
and support ME from that.
It’s probably what Bram Stoker meant,
or even the Girl in need of Tourniquet needed,
or what Audre Lorde needed,
or even what Ron Kovic needed as Born on the Fourth of July,
It’s all about living until our last breath,
and it’s all about living and ENJOYING every minute of it
with EVERYONE supporting each other WITHOUT telling or saying anything,
because we all have our OPINIONS,
WE all have our SEPARATE BELIEFS,
AND WE ALL HAVE WHAT IT TAKES
to do what we WANT and NOT what OTHERS say.
Nothing about us, without US,
I say, I say.

Building Bridges when meeting people in groups

Meet up groups : Specific Functions

1) Meeting with likeminded individuals in the community, not in a congregate settings like a home or other segregated areas
2) Hanging out, socializing, getting to know people in the community going to events the organizers create
3) Sharing ideas
4) Not anticipating finding a sexual partner, (if the person is looking for this then they should not anticipate or expect this at all from happening), and just sharing each other’s moments even if it is playing a board game or any other type of activity
5) Think about building bridges with each other and not complaining or criticizing each other

Meeting in groups are supposed to be for fun social events for everyone to enjoy together because people came together for that purpose. Don’t let anyone take that fun away from you and don’t allow anyone into your head to take your experience you needed from that group. Some groups exist and are run by professionals like social workers, but not all are run by professionals. Every group is run for a purpose to bring people together. Those people who are impaired needing support to get them to the group tend to go to groups that are run by professionals while those people who are impaired with needing little support in getting them to the group, tend to go to groups run by peers.

No one can go to a group to anticipate meeting anyone even finding a partner or a friend. It is just about being with a group in the community. When anyone is in a congregate setting too long whether it is in their own home or other segregative setting, it is not good for anyone.

When getting people together, it is never about anticipation, it is all about not hesitating to be meeting people in the group you choose to be with. Meeting in groups is all about being with others who want to experience and explore together the same event or socializing experience at the exact time and at that exact moment of human experience. It does not matter whether the person is disabled or not, inclusion should be an option if the person desires to be in that group respectively as part of the community.

That is why I created my own group on the meet up website over a year ago called Neurodiverse Central Network. This is group is about hanging out with people regardless of disability and varying impairments with their allies if desired as well if they want to have them there. Members of this group respect each other regardless of disability or not, and by respecting each other, no one can make any one feel bad for what they feel or believe. The conversation is open to experiencing each other and communicating different ideas, respecting opinions as just that, opinions. That’s what nothing about us, without us, is all about.