Tag Archives: being who you are

A Poem Called “A Narrative of Individuals”

A Narrative of Individuals,

by theamazinJ

My gift,
My life,
My vision,
My focus,
My broad spectrum,
my ultimate beauty,
my darkened evil,
my life:
I have you,
I am you,
I am me,
I am disabled,
I am a person,
I am a citizen,
My goal,
My life,
My future,
My medicine,
my accommodation,
my accessibility,
my feelings,
my touch,
my sight,
my ideas,
my ways of who I am,
My obstacles with social construction,
My life.
I am disabled,
I am able.
I am who I am
however way you look at me,
I am you,
I am me,
I am comforting,
I am lost,
I am gained,
I am part of a tribe,
I am neurotribes,
I am neurodivergent,
I am blind,
I am moving awkwardly,
I am flexible,
I am moving furiously,
I am angry,
I am sad,
I am smiling,
I am proud of who I am,
I am conquering.
I am fighting.
I am flightful.
My thoughts are egregious.
My thoughts are among thou.
My thoughts are disabled.
My thoughts are smart and able,
my goal is fitting.
I am fit.
I am going on.
I am moving on.
I am forthcoming.
I am utterly fruitful.
My spirit is going.
I am a starry night,
I am in a darkened hole.
My life is sunny,
My life is rainy,
My life is cloudy,
My life is clear,
I can see clearly.
My life.
My classless feeling.
My feelings for others.
My anxiety soars.
I care for others,
I care less for me,
I focus on off,
focusing on.
lifting you,
lifting, pulling, pushing, pulling,
egregiously climbing,
outwardly done.
My life.
My life is paralyzed,
my life is numb,
my life is moving,
my life is simple,
my life is complicating,
my life is complex.
I am strong.
I am weak.
I am open.
I am closed.
It’s all about the future,
it’s all about me and you.
I am inspired.
I am despired.
I am inspiring.
I am deploring and despiring.
It’s good or it’s bad.
Faulty or Fally,
Fortune or forgetful,
Minding my business,
minding my own mind.
Spinning boundaries,
mental incapacities,
psychiatric dogginess,
dogs of beauty,
catastrophic cats,
cats in a rainbow,
libertarian of liberty,
spiraling out of control.
Controlling who I am,
spinning awfully well,
moving hands with flapps,
pushing myself into my blankets,
listening to my music,
painting the colors on canvass,
filming my stories,
urging goals of life.
It’s my journey,
It’s my anxiety,
It’s my conundrum,
I can be,
I cannot see,
I can see,
I can feel,
I may be real,
I am real,
I am you,
I am me,
That’s me,
That’s my life,
that’s your life,
living.

A Poem Called “Passing”

Passing,

by theamazinJ

It’s a struggle,
I pass or at least try to pass,
It’s a struggle,
I am from autistic culture,
my mind sees all sorts of things
in this world,
my body moves in all different ways,
my voice box is different and monolithic,
my speech is radiant and unique,
my words become silent from misunderstanding,
my life is a constant battle to pass in society.
My speech speaks with very few listeners,
my movements paint with very easy ease,
my life is a constant battle to please everyone to pass,
did Frederick Douglass want to pass for the white man?
did Rosa Parks want to pass for the white woman?
Did Mozart care about what others thought when making music?
Did Andy Warhol care about what others thought of his art?
Did Andy Kaufman care about what his critics thought of his comedy?
Does Bill Gates care about what others think of what he wants to do for the world?
Does Hillary Clinton really care what anyone thinks of her?
Autistic culture is different from non-autistic culture,
disability culture is different than living without disabilities in the able-bodied culture,
black culture is different from white culture,
jewish culture is different from christian culture,
muslim culture is different from jewish and christian culture,
witch culture and other polytheistic cultures are different than monotheism,
LGBT culture is different than heterosexual culture,
females are different than males which are both different than other genders,
the binary system is broader than one would actually think,
the binary gender, the binary able-bodied culture, the binary religion,
the monolithic sexuality, the way everyone thinks is black and white.
everyone feels, thinks, speaks, and moves differently,
we need to respect each other for who we are all born as,
and we need to respect the way we all move in the world.
Yet, black and white thinking is among us all,
it’s among everyone who feels everyone in the world needs to pass
rather than be the other, rather than be a person who is who they are,
It’s fighting for the rights of people with disabilities to live our life
the way we are and fighting for universal design for inclusion in the world,
It’s fighting for black culture, indigenous culture, other people of color, muslims, Jews, polytheistic religions, and women
to be able to live life experiencing whatever way they are and whatever way they see the world,
because universal design is not just for disability culture,
it’s for everyone to live inclusively together,
without the social construction created hundreds of years ago,
living life with a more different unique social construction embedded with individual human nature
and understanding of each other,
passing is difficult for many,
passing is difficult when we cannot be accepted and respected the way we are,
the broader human culture needs to understand each other,
the broader human culture needs to accept each other,
and the broader human culture is a part of neurodivergent culture
as well as part of the culture of the norm,
if we are truly going to live a neurodiverse culture
than we need to be accepting when someone chooses to pass for norm or chooses their neurodivergence,
choosing to be whoever and whatever their brain is like in speaking, moving, and thinking with their bodies,
we choose everything by and for ourselves, we choose what we want to accept, we choose what we even want to do everyday,
the most important thing is:
We choose how we feel about ourselves and what we think of ourselves
because in the end,
it’s our choices that create us,
it’s our choices that allow us to think binary or not,
it’s our choices to accept others or not,
it’s our choices to respect everyone or not,
it’s our choices to create a new social order or continue the binary social construction
that has been around for hundreds of years,
it’s our choices to move forward in evolution or just pass,
it’s our choice to live or to die,
and it’s our choice to be the person we are by fate or by destiny of who we individually strive for
with respecting everyone.

A Poem Called “From Being You to Being Me”

(Trigger Warning: This poem (as well as the compositions I have done in the past) are intentionally left with certain mistakes to show disability. Be mindful when reading this post and any other posts.)

From Being You to Being Me,

by theamazinJ

The struggle to find identity in the world is a battle
fighting cause we’re different or odd,
cause the status quo wants us
the way many want us to be,
the way many bully get bullied,
the way too many make assumptions and presumptions
from the way we look, the way we move, the way we communicate, and the way we express ourselves
with everyone around us.
Too many people don’t understand each other
causing the pain and insecurity too many people face every day
in the communities we have always known since growing up.
the pain hurts, the pain allows us to be afraid, and allows us to be angry,
The anger gets expressed in different ways
in different reactions to power and control,
some try to express their anger by building it up until there is an episode,
an episode of fight, an episode of flight no matter how they flee,
fleeing by doing something extreme in their own way
or by allowing the community to do something extreme to them,
in a destructive way either within themselves or expressing it openly,
by including others in that anger or by excluding.
the pain can hurt,
the pain can hurt really really badly,
trying to develop into the person we really want to be,
and ultimately can’t when too many people all our life
bully us in too many ways
so that they can tokenize us to the way they want us,
and the agenda everyone wants to bully for the control.
The control to tokenize, the power to euthanize
either literally or abstractly,
the power to re-create or re-structure a person
because no one likes and appreciates the person,
while the victim either survives the pain to form their identity
or becoming the token at the expense of their dominant oppressors
being seen as an inspiration by their oppressors
while being a martyr within.
The fight to be yourself is a battle of identity,
a battle within yourself and with the many people who didn’t understand,
the many people who either tried to re-create you as them
or the many people leaving you alone without someone to listen,
ultimately creating a battle within yourself,
either escaping from your life internally or fleeing from the outside environment externally,
everyone processes things differently, everyone forms their identities in their own way,
and everyone is vulnerable to the surrounding misunderstanding world around them
when we feel different,
sometimes we find a friend who understands and other times we don’t,
so we have to decide how we want to live our life.
We can be everything we are not or everything we are born with,
we can express the desires everyone thinks we are or we can be who we are.
we can listen to everyone and build walls around humanity,
or we can listen to our hearts building walls around our oppressors and build bridges with humanity.
The choice is ours.
We have our families.
We have our personhood battling to speak our mind in the surrounding society.
We create our own justice,
we create our own future,
we choose our destiny,
we can be lost wishing for a future,
we can become the oppressor we always hated,
we can become ourselves getting over our past getting over everyone,
giving ourselves the freedoms we deserve to be ourselves,
expressing the boundaries everyone can understand
so everyone respects each other with manners everyone deserves to receive,
looking toward the future,
being who we are allowing ourselves to express who we are,
not being too afraid of our differences,
realizing we all experience the same struggles
no matter what,
because,
no one can convince anyone to escape their life,
no can influence anyone that family values don’t matter,
no one can tell a person their differences need to be changed,
no one can influence anyone to be someone they are not,
everyone just needs to presume everyone can find their own direction
with their own differences relieving themselves from the struggles
everyone faces daily,
to finally building themselves in society
from being you to being the person they are,
escaping the many people who told them,
and allowing themselves to express their own identity in the end.

A Poem Called “From Self-Determination to Autonomy”

From Self-Determination to Autonomy,

by theamazinJ

It’s a choice,
we own it,
we take responsibility for those choices,
every situation, every decision we make, we own
from what we want to do every time, every day, and for every thing we want.
Every choice has consequences and dignity of risk,
every choice has rewards,
every choice is what makes us real,
every choice is what makes us learn,
every choice helps us grow,
alone with choices,
alone with what we have done every day,
alone with the idea of responsibility.
No one can control another no matter what
especially with any choice an individual citizen wants to make.
It’s called dignity of faith,
it’s called presuming competence,
and most importantly,
it’s called believing that the person can think on their own
without influencing them that they can’t.
Building the arts into the decision,
creating our own destiny,
building up our own self-direction independent from others
with the support from those who will support us
no matter what, and ignoring the backlash,
ignoring the people who don’t understand until they actually do.
Awareness is the first step for everyone in knowing what to do
and be aware of who we are,
giving dignity of respect for every citizen regardless of impairments,
the ability to understand who they are as a person,
learning about themselves, and understanding the world around them
from their points of view.
When we organize to form agency of thought in a congregation of governmental thought,
we do it to organize ideas, missions,
and knowing the best way to support each other without building walls surrounding each other.
Many thoughts go too deep, many thoughts think too closely to the status quo,
and some thoughts think outside the box.
A citizen means everyone who lives in a state, a country, together united as one,
a citizen listens to other citizens and understands what everyone goes through,
because it is about autonomy which leads to interdependence which leads to self-determination
into a self-directed goal.
Many people don’t understand what autonomy does for any citizen,
and may think autonomy is not having supports.
Interdependence is about autonomically having a direction the citizen wants
with whatever works for that citizen and the supports that citizen gets,
the importance from self-determination to autonomy.
Because in the end,
it’s not only believing in ourselves,
it is believing in the citizens that reside where we are, where we live, and what we are doing,
believing in every citizen from around the world, disabled or not,
to grow, to find what works for them, to be educated, and to build support around that.
That’s what self-determination and autonomy really is!

A Poem Called “It’s Not About Inspiration”

It’s Not About Inspiration,

by theamazinJ

Jerks, Assholes, Taunters, Real,
Inspiration?
We can all be jerks,
we can all be assholes,
we can all be taunters,
We are all real,
but we are all not inspirations.
I am not your inspiration,
and you are no body’s inspiration.
Inspiration is being a jerk,
inspiration is a being an ass,
inspiration is being a bully,
inspiration taunts us,
inspiration is not being real,
inspiration is being anything but real.
Disabled people are not your inspiration.
Autistic people are not your inspiration.
Inspiration is real, yes, but
we need to think of it as something within us,
not from outside of us.
Inspiration, yes?
No, inspiration, no.
Everyone is a jerk at some point during the day.
Everyone spins what they want others to understand about life.
So, why pity someone for who they are?
So, why not act like everyone is a person, disabled or non-disabled alike?
Disabled people are jerks just as much as able-bodied people are!
Disabled people are citizens just as much as you are.
I am disabled, but I am a citizen.
It does not matter what impairments or how severe the impairments can be,
no matter who you meet, everyone is a citizen.
The more we think this, the more we act it,
the more we remember being a citizen has many attributes,
whether able-bodied or disabled.
As a disabled person who can be an asshole or be a understanding person,
or as a able-bodied person who can be the same,
disability does not mean lacking humanity or being more than humanity,
disability is humanity.
Disability has varying degrees of impairments,
and impairments can be expensive to support depending on what is impaired
and how severe the impairment.
When thinking of being human, let’s think of all the variables of being human,
there are times when people are smart,
there are times when people can act stupid,
there are times when people can be an ass,
there are times when people can be a moron,
there are times when we people don’t think things through,
there are times when everyone plans out everything,
everyone takes disability too seriously and tragically,
when disability can affect anyone at any time in their life,
depending on when it strikes, what it strikes, and how it strikes,
depends on how the person reacts to disability.
There is no more putting down disability,
there is no more thinking disability is more than life,
there is no more disability is the end of life as we know it,
because disability is what makes life interesting,
it’s what makes life real,
it’s what makes human life being human
and being mortal and being imperfect
in a world that is constantly changing,
in a world that is rapidly transitioning,
and in a world that needs to normalize disability
as being the norm of humanity.
So, in universally designing society
we need to design structures and events
to allow however a person moves,
however a person communicates,
and however a person learns
to allow a person to applaud and flapplaud simultaneously
and allow a person to sign, talk, and use assistative technology
with ease without lurking, without staring, and without belittling or teasing,
because in the end,
universal design is about recognizing everyone however they are,
and not enabling them to be martyrs,
without enabling them to be inspirations,
and just letting everyone live the life they want to live
with their families, with their friends, and with their communities,
with the self-determination they want to self-direct their life with
even if it is choosing to live in the community
or choosing to live in a congregate setting.
Finally, its the choices that we learn from
that makes up our humanity.